4 Woman

I am doing a study for myself, going through many woman of the Bible and reflecting on how I can be like them.  Instead of telling you what I have learned from them, I will give you 4 woman that I have looked at so far that really left a calling in my heart. 

Guys...sorry.  Maybe you can find something about these ladies you want to reflect. 

Girls...soak it in.  How can you be like them? 

Abigail (I Samuel 25)
Abishag (I King 1-2)
Deborah and Jael (Judges 3:5-5:31)

Leave comments if you feel called to.  I enjoy hearing what other people hear God tell them.  

Fighting Back

Spiritually worn.

Emotionally weakened.

Mentally sore.

Then you feel him...on your back...playing with your heart.

He's grabbing that weakness and tearing you up.

You are exhausted everywhere, and he noticed....he strikes.

You feel a breakdown....so you run...to pray.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

You wield your sword, and attack.  For a moment, the hold on your heart is gone. 


You walk back out again...only to be struck down once more with a shear presence. 


Again you run to pray.  You pray hard, deep...


"I rebuke you Satan, for you are not focused on the things above in heaven, but the things of man."


You slash again, to shake free from his grip. 


You now seek community support, church leaders and guidance.  You can feel him linger as you desperately listen for advice. 


When no one is around, you turn on the radio...songs come up that you remember using the defeat Satan in your life previously.  "Voice of Truth" appears....and then you hear static.


"Satan, not this time!  Get away from me!!!"  ....Static is gone....


"The voice of truth, tells me a different story.  The voice of truth says do not be afraid.  The voice of truth says this is for my glory." 


I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth. 

No Longer In Control

She's sitting in the pew...she's thinking and praying for a direction.  She's waiting in silence, listening.

As she walks up to the piano, she breathes and feels her self drift away.  Her fingers are out of her control...her inner song is pouring out of her being.  The music that is coming out of her motions is nothing that she had imagined, nor fully planned.  It was as if...she wasn't even there. 

She closed her eyes...she didn't even watch where her hands were going.  They were led in a direction that she had no control of...so she let it happen.  Her spirit was calm...her worries nonexistent.  She became part of the music that she wasn't creating alone.  Satan had no grip on her...Satan couldn't break the barrier that was formed through the music.  She finally let herself fully go...mistakes happened and she continued.  She was filled with the Holy Spirit completely...and didn't care what happened aside from that.  She was strong....she was solid....she wasn't going to be beaten. 

...Satan got his ass kicked tonight...

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

Hold My Heart

Today had been a very rewarding day for me, as well as a very trying day.  I was able to share my testimony at Grace this morning, which was really awesome....I had made myself numerous notes of what I wanted to say, but didn't look once at it during my quick talk.  The Spirit put on my heart what was important to share, and I felt it take over.  I am so thankful for that. 

I also felt the Spirit move through the music this morning too, and really had a moment of assurance for how circumstances turned out in my life.  However, shortly after this I really felt Satan attacking me on my weaknesses again, dragging me down.  When I am of calm spirit, I can hear God's guidance and peace in my heart.  This afternoon I couldn't, and I was letting Satan really tear my heart apart.  I was giving in, and really needed to cry out to Jesus. 

I pulled out chords for the song "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North, and sang it at the top of my lungs on my electric as if crying to Jesus.  I don't know how many times I went through that song, but I needed to keep singing it until I could really feel God's hold on my heart again. 

Tonight, I went with some pretty spunky girls to see Awaken in Lake Mills.  The garden scene used this same song I just talked about....only it held a much more powerful meaning.  

How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through.
I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?

Jesus, cried this to His Father.  Our mighty and merciful savior...our king of king and lord of lords...cried these words.  His time of torture was around the corner, and the pain was overbearing to the Son of the Creator.  Think about that.

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

I always grow a deep passion to understand just what Jesus had to go through for us.  I am always in awe at the level of love He has....and the level of pain He went through to have us.  Jesus needed His Heavenly Father more than ever...so I don't feel ashamed to sit and cry to Jesus (If You're everything You say You are, would You come close and hold my heart?).  My little problems don't feel too big when I keep thinking about what Jesus went through at the garden and his crucifixion.  It keeps me in perspective on my life, and reminds me that if Jesus can keep looking up in all of that, I can surely try. 

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

I give my heart to Jesus, but I want to keep grabbing it back....I argue with God about what's best for me still.  Jesus did, but He ended each argument with "but your will be done" (But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why).  I will take my cross in exchange for my heart.  Is that such a fair trade??  I gave away my deepest treasure within me....for suffering? 

Oh my friends...you have no idea.  My heart is in the hands of the greatest artist ever known!  The greatest romantic I will ever know...the one who sacrificed EVERYTHING to have me...I think my heart is safe.  I can suffer a little so that my heart can stay safe and constantly purified.  I can cry to the holder of my heart with tears streaming down, and He will embrace me every time. 

Will you let Jesus hold your heart?  Trust me....it couldn't be in better hands. 

My True Heart's Desire

You know those times when you think you know what's really happening before it happens?  You know, the way your thoughts process on how you think you really know what's going on around you?  We are all guilty of thinking we know what's best, and thinking we know exactly what is going on in our lives.  We turn tragedies into dramas, and make a scene if our thoughts don't line up with what actually happens.  

This is life.

This is a Christian life.

We complain, yell, kick, scream, cry, back off, close up.  "I thought I knew what was going on, why didn't it happen the way I perceived it?"  or "I thought I was following the story...why did it turn on me?" 

Friends, this is my life now.  In my journey of fully letting myself go, this itself is evident to me that I have a long way to go.  I have given God everything else about me, my financial support, my destination, my living arrangements, my friends, my opportunities, my way of worship...but I haven't fully given Him, me. 

Let me picture it this way for you...imagine if you will a young daughter looking over her father's shoulders as he works on a project for her.  As he works, she peeks over and tells him what to do next.  She thinks she knows exactly how this will turn out, and is disappointed to see that it's not the same way she thought.  I was that girl, trying to look over God's shoulder.  I tried to figure out the end result, before it actually happened.  I had let God work on it, but I hadn't given Him my full trust.  I kept peeking, interpreting, solving, and concluding before the conclusion hit. 

Was I disappointed?  Yes....but I got over it.  You know why? 

Because it's not my life anymore.  When I accepted Christ, my control was gone.  My heart isn't my own to give away.  It's His.  I have to let Him take, walk away, and let it happen. 

No more peeking.  No more solving or jumping to conclusions.  Everything happens for a reason, and even though my ending didn't happen...God's did.  My patience grew DRASTICALLY.  My submission had never been so vivid and apparent.  I looked past my own desires for others, and gradually let God take more and more of me through this...but I peeked enough ahead of time to interpret the wrong conclusion.  It was a lesson in me that needed to happen.  My heart is in good hands...in fact it couldn't be in better hands.  What gives me the right to think I know what is better for me than God alone?  Nothing, that's what. 

Heavenly Father, thank you for kicking me in my butt again.  Thank you for friends that are so solid in you, that they can hear what I can't.  Thank you for letting me give more and more of me away during this process.  Thank you for revealing to me what needed to be revealed.  May your will happen for my life, without me peeking ahead.  Please God, give me a calm spirit to hear you among all else, and be strong enough to tell myself to do it.  God you do so much for me, and you continue to do so.  May my life be nothing to me, and everything to you.  I can see my heart isn't ready to give away, as you continue to hold it and mold it.  Do what you want, and let me be willing to sit in the corner, be patient, and wait for you to call me over so I can be in awe at what you've made for me.  Let this be my true heart's desire now, and forever. 

I love you Jesus.  Amen.

Ruth

I had a wild hair last night, and I wanted to see which woman of the Bible I was most like.  So, as we can do now in our era, I looked up numerous internet quizes on this topic.  After taking 3 of them, my results for two of them were Ruth. 

Now I had read Ruth many times a while ago.  I really stink at reading and learning about all different types of people, but was very intrigued to see that my favorite and most well-known woman of the Bible was most related to me.  I wanted to revisit this woman's story and share some key points with everyone. 
Elimelech, his wife Naomi, and their sons Mahlon and Chilion migrate to Moab from Bethlehem.  The two sons marry two Moab woman, one being Ruth.  Elimelech, and the two sons eventually die, leaving all the woman widowed (and heart broken).  Naomi plans to return to Bethlehem and tells the two daughters-in-law to go home.  Oprah, the other widowed daughter-in-law, does go home.  Ruth denies Naomi's request and states "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me." (Ruth 1:16–17)  She was loyal to her family.

Ruth and Naomi return to Bethlehem, and Ruth works the fields to help with finances.  The fields belong to a man named Boaz, who has shown great kindness to her.  When he had heard of Ruth's great loyalty to Naomi, he personally instructs her to stay in his field and to work for no one else.  Ruth and Naomi talk, and Naomi instructs Ruth to go and uncover his feet one night and wait for him to wake up.  Ruth does so.  Boaz wakes up and states "The Lord bless you, my daughter...This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor."  Ruth was instructed to act, but was bold enough to fulfill the request.  I wonder how long she waited at Boaz's feet before he woke up...

Boaz was in close relations to Naomi, and could marry Ruth to keep the family line alive.  Now, this part absolutely astounds me.  Verses 12-13 of Chapter 3: "Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I.  Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem.  But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it.  Lie here until morning." 

Ruth is right there and willing, but Boaz looks at something beyond his personal desires.  He realizes that Ruth isn't fully his to take.  Ruth even asks for marriage by saying "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are my kinsman-redeemer."  How could Boaz say no??  He did because his head (and body) were in the right place.  Ruth was bold to approach and become vulnerable to him.  Boaz did not take advantage of this. 

Boaz approaches the kinsman-redeemer that was next in line, and asks him about the estate of Elimelech and the marriage of Ruth.  The kinsman-redeemer could not redeem, so Boaz did. 

Here is what I take to heart about Ruth:
She was broken-hearted
She was loyal to family
She was bold
She was patient
She was compassionate and self-less

Young women...read about how Ruth and Boaz interacted.  Read about how that relationship started.  She was bold to initiate her feelings first, but Boaz was wise enough to look past his desires and see that something else has to happen first.  Ruth did not argue, and she did not nag about it.  She waited.  This couple had brought everything to the table, but waited to see what needed to really happen. 

To finish...I think these internet quizzes were right on the money with me.  I need to look up other woman of the Bible and study them just as much, but Ruth's story is like looking into a mirror...and I am just taken back that God put the desire in my heart for me to look at this story deeper. 

What do I need to do to be like Ruth?
I need to be patient.
I need to be bold.
I need to remember that some things are just out of my hands.
I need to be self-less.

How can we as woman in Christ be like Ruth today? 

God's Art

So...I am a HUGE sap for nature.   I love staring up in the sky and taking pictures of weather.  Almost every night that there is a clear sky, I am probably staring up...even though I see it very often.  I can walk away from a busy crowd and party to stare up at the vastness that is our universe.  The reason that this is the way it is for me is because I think God is probably the greatest artist we will ever know.  Honestly...we see wonderful works by people that took them days, months, maybe even years.  God made ALL of this in 6 days.  I am forever in awe at the stars in the sky, the fullness of trees in spring, the sound of calm rushing waters...because it was truly a work of art made in less than a week.  I can always praise God for His creativity and find peace in this. 

I heard the following song on the radio one day, and thought "These people are after my own heart!!"  If I could pick one song (trust me, it's hard to pick one), this would be the one to show what I am doing in my heart when I'm in the presence of the greatest masterpiece ever known to man. 

My challenge...take a walk in God's art museum.  Find a place away from the hustle and bustle of your life, when the moon is shining bright and the stars are crystal clear.  Sit there and just look at how God works his paint brush.  Listen to the song behind it all.  God is an artist among everything else.  See if you can comprehend just how artistic He is in your life. 

Sing Along-Sixteen Cities

When I look into the painted sky
I see so many colors
They're all a part of your design
It's such a brilliant display

Chorus:
I love the way the stars shine for you
And every single mountain bows down
I love the way the universe is singing your song
So I'll try to sing along

Looking up into the dark blue night
I'm in awe of your power
The way the moon pulls the ocean's tide
You are never contained