It's Not About Me

What if you were called to face your biggest fear?  What if you had been hiding from it all this time?  Afraid to expose yourself?  Afraid to fail people?  Afraid of others seeing your current weakness?  What if you couldn't run anymore?  What if you couldn't hide anymore?  What if God exposed everything to those you dearly loved?  What if the wounds you brushed off weren't being brushed off anymore?  What if you actually realize that you were relying on yourself...entertaining the world...trying to be what other people made you to be?  

What if you felt God taking you down a road that you were afraid to go, unaware of what you would face...but trusting He has your hand the whole way? 

This blog post is different from my other posts...those posts talked about my past struggles...they were written after the fact...to show I am stronger now. 

Well, I am not stronger.  I am not put together.  I am weak, vulnerable, and not willing to show the world my weakness.  I am talking it out here, to do myself a favor...to do you all a favor.  I am going to try to let go...not just say it...but really let go. 

Let go of the fear of failure.  Let go of the fear of loss of control.  Let go of the fear of not being good enough.  Let go of the idea that I have to be everything that I am not.  It will always be a struggle...but I realize that I have run and hidden when adversity comes. 

I didn't want people to see my weakest moments.  I didn't allow the Church to really help me.  My prayer group was there, and I would verbalize a few things...but I didn't want people to see my ugliest moments...and I hated the ugliest moments. 

But truly I see now...that God has something bigger in mind for me in this...I can't figure it out fully now...but it's not my call to know that. 

God pointed me toward Duos, and I prayed that God would abolish any method of me getting this job...if I wasn't supposed to be here.  He kept all the doors open...and here I am. 

But also, here my weaknesses are exposed, and an attitude that I have hidden for so long has finally been exposed to people that I truly love.  I have lost joy in the Word.    I have lost joy in Duos,  I lost joy in myself....I have lost joy in God. 

I expect so much from myself....but what does God expect from me? 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:5-6) 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

God never left me.  When I've wanted to give up and hate myself in the privacy of my apartment, God was always there keeping me safe.  When I'm exposed to my closest friends to share in my struggle and do what the Church does and encourage me....build me up...be used in a mighty way for God to do a MIRACULOUS change in my heart...God is there...holding me close to Him in a warm embrace, wiping my tears...hearing my cries...and He tells me "I have overcome."

He reminds me that HE will crush Satan under my feet, and HE has crushed the bondage of Sin...HE has created me in HIS image...HE has saved me.  HE has established my paths.  HE has control.  HE uses everything for HIS good.

...it's not about you, Kat...it's about Me.   (Jesus)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

I don't boast in my infirmities.  I don't speak of my weakness...I don't truly speak of my weakness the way I should.  I speak of my weakness to appear stronger, to show that I am not struggling...to show what I was and what I'm not anymore. 

But if I do speak of my weakness, it's not the best way to do it.  I don't do it to show how God has used me beyond myself...I do it to put myself down.  I believe speaking of my weakness and putting myself down are two separate things.  Putting myself down is bashing God's perfect design.  Boasting in my weakness is acknowledging the beauty of who God made me or didn't make me, and giving Him the glory beyond anything I could ever do. 

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God." (Ephesians 2:8)

I believe when God needs to really change me, He hits me hard.  God is taking the control from me, but also exposing my weakness when I want to stay strong.  He is showing me that it is not by my power, nor my glory.  Right now I am in the process of a pruning that I wish no one would see...but that is why I am going through it...because people need to see it and help me...I have to let people help me, and press on.  I need to remember who is on my side, and that He has already won.  I have to give myself grace...I see God's grace, and I see everyone else's grace...but I don't give myself grace because I have to meet my expectations of who I want me to be. 

....see the problem here?  I do now...

The following song is my current prayer...the power of this song has been amplified because of what God is bringing me through right now.  Right now in my life, this song holds a powerful prayer...So glad to hear that God gives me life!  It comes back to the Gospel...and power of the Gospel keeps us going...and this is motivation enough for me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFdQqoWggmU

Psalm 139 says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."  Who am I to challenge the Creator?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Thank God for showing me I am not alone, and I don't have to be alone.  I see I have friends all around me to be used...

The struggle continues, and the fight presses on, but the battle has been won...and the Victor is on my side!!

Praise God for His working hand in all things...including my imperfection and Sin.   The prince of darkness has no chance in foiling God's plans...in fact....what he does is in turn used to glorify God.  There is no war that hasn't been won by God.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  I get the opportunity to be part of it...but it's not about me, and I can't do everything I want to do.

So now, my question God...what do you want me to do?  Instead of me trying to be everything...what do you want me to be?  Who is Kat...and what is Kat supposed to do? 





 

Christ has Overcome!!

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."   John 16:33

Jesus did not just overcome death on the cross, but we follow a king who was tempted in everyway and did not fall once.  He overcame sin so he could become sin for us.  He took our sins, killed them on the cross and left them in the tomb!  

Praise the Lord!!  Christ has overcome!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mXeA0G_xKc

Saturday-Where's the Proof?

On the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I have pondered what this period of time was like for Jesus' followers.  They had just seen their King do wonderous miracles, preach outstanding and bold messages, and claim to be the Son of God through it all.  Then, they saw the world come in, they saw the wickedness of men appear to have the best of our precious Savior. 

What did the disciples see on this Good Friday?  The defeat of their Savior.  He claimed to be all these amazing things for them...now where's the proof?  He claimed to be the Great Shepherd, the Bread of Life, even the Resurrection and the Life.  Yet, on this day we remember him laying in the tomb.  What went through their minds? 

A good friend of mine made this statement last year, and I'm going to borrow it...we live in this same Saturday.  We wait for Sunday to happen.  Now we see that many times in the Old Testament and even in Jesus life the prophesy of Jesus death had to be fulfilled, and we even know that he said he will rise again. 

But right now, on this Saturday while it's happening...where is the proof?  Yes, he got crushed for our sins and bruised for our iniquities...if you remember he even raised Lazarus from the dead.

The disciples followed him throughout the ministry despite the parables they didn't understand, the messages they didn't reflect on, the miracles they saw but didn't comprehend the meaning...they still knew and believed that Jesus was Lord.  However, when the hardest of hardship came, even when prepared by Jesus, the disciples fled...kept a distance...and mourned the loss of their Savior as if it was for good. 

How depressing this day must have been...

We don't have to live like this.  We don't have to mourn over the death of our Savior, because we know what we celebrate tomorrow.  We don't have to worry about a narrow path that leads unknown, because we know Jesus walked it before us.  We don't have to cry over a hopeless situation, because the Words of Jesus lead us to believe otherwise if we just believe. 

So, when we are stuck in a Saturday, where is the proof?  It is found from the Words of Christ, credible through the miracles, finalized through the cross, and hopeful through the resurrection. 

Remember the promises not yet seen but soon to be fulfilled.

I love you all. 

Good Friday-Saving Faith

I truly miss blogging on a regular basis...it stinks not having internet in my apartment and not having the chance to sit down and reflect on scripture and God's path for my life like this.  I have learned to really enjoy the challenge of blogging for the purpose of sharing my faith and strengthening others.

I wanted to blog today on my day off and on account of it being Good Friday...but a lot has happened in the last month that I am having a hard time picking what to write on...but my heart has really be pierced with this topic, and I believe that it will rub off into all areas of our lives (including the recent debates that are being publicized EVERYWHERE!!)  If you don't see how, ask God to reveal it to you, because I do believe that this applies to all our future endeavors and it will guide us in all our choices in life, including these fine areas where we don't know how to respond. 

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me."

Matthew 16:24 NLT

Faith versus Saving Faith 

Fan verses Follower

Orpah versus Ruth  (yes, it's another Ruth reference)

Read the first chapter of Ruth, and look at Orpah.  In summary, this girl is very sincere and compassionate toward the widowed Naomi.  It says in this chapter that both Ruth AND Orpah clung to Naomi and wanted to join her back to the Promised land.  Now, after Naomi's pessimistic approach to the idea, Orpah departed and Ruth stuck on.  I never looked at this comparison in this manner, and I want to bring this to your attention through Ruth and Orpah. 

Orpah had faith, Ruth had saving faith.  Why? Orpah was a good person....she loved Naomi.  She did the right things, had the best intentions, truly cared for Naomi.  But she didn't have the saving faith in God to make the sacrifice to really follow where her heart was going like Ruth did.  To give you a brief context, what Ruth did was not only loving, but dangerous for herself.  She was an outcast.  She was a single woman with no secure male in her life to protect her in a foreign land.  She was giving up her comfort land to not only follow Naomi and care for her, but she put away her old ways and struggles to go into an unknown territory to pursue a God that would later give her blessing beyond her wildest dreams (at the time, she had no idea what God was going to do for her).  

Orpah did not have this faith.  She did not give up her life.  She did not like the idea of not knowing what would happen to her.  It wasn't because she didn't love Naomi that much, I bet she loved Naomi just as much as Ruth did.  The difference was in the faith in God.  It's scary, but I want you all to hear this...just because you are a good person does not mean you are going to be with Jesus.

My verse above speaks just that to us today.  It is the difference between Faith and Saving Faith.  My friends, some of you love Jesus....but do you really LOVE Jesus?  Are you like Orpah, who cared enough to latch on, but when it gets hard you run back to comfort?  Now I am not perfect, and I have my doubts as well...and thank God that He is gracious to forgive me and give me second and third chances....I don't know your heart and I am not writing this to accuse anyone.  You can point fingers right back at me, in fact I encourage you to so I may grow more. 

But here is how I know I have saving faith...when I look at the Cross today, I don't just see an obligation that I meet once a year.  I am reminded how Jesus gave up the perfect to live with the imperfect.  I see how Jesus endured 33 years, being tempted in every way, and not falling once into sin.  I see how Jesus submitted to the Father's will and provided the narrow way for me.  I see how ultimate sorrow and ultimate joy come together.  I see power and glory of God.  I see the sign of victory.  And seeing these things change how I live. 

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

Jesus did not die to save us from Hell.  He died to save us from Sin.  He died to save us from ourselves...here and now.  It begins here.  It begins now.  Not later after we die.  When you look at the Cross, is it your ticket to Heaven, or your Saving Grace?  Let the Cross save you and change you today.  Because if you don't, you will be dissappointed.   

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."  

Matthew 7:21

This Easter, I pray that you just don't see a routine and obligation.  I pray you don't just hear the story again.  I pray that you don't settle with where you are in life.  I truly pray that you will put away all selfish desires and run toward the Cross, broken and aware of your neediness for a Savior now and every day.  

I love you all. 

What is Your Moab?

For those of you that know me, I really enjoy looking through the book of Ruth.  It is short, but in those 4 chapters I feel that I hear something new and fresh every time I dig into it.

A good friend sent me a link to a sermon series by a man named Ed Moore, so I will not take credit for most of this wisdom...however there is something that he didn't touch on that spoke to me while I listened to him speak.

First though, I want to ask you all a question:  What is your Moab?

If you don't know the story behind Ruth, don't only read through it, but also read through Judges.  The context of Ruth is better explained through the continuous roller coaster that the Israelites go through.

To give you a brief summary of where I am coming from with this, the book of Ruth starts off with a man named Elimelech.  (meaning "God is my King"...I know...Ironic...you will see why).  Elimelech disobeys God by leaving the Promised Land for "greener pastures".  Verses 1-4 explains the progression of him and his families intentions:

In the days when the judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years,

At first, they sojourned...meaning it was a little jaunt, intending to come back.  They were dipping their feet into Moab.  Then, they remained there.  And THEN they lived there. 

If/When you search through Judges, you will see a common phrase that pops up regularly: "And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord."  Another way to look at this is "They did what was right in their own eyes."  Elimelech led his family into Moab, because in his own eyes he thought it was right.  He intended to travel there briefly because the grass was greener.  However, we see he not only stayed in Moab, but his family decided to live there and establish connections with Moab.  

I will give you a representation here....The promised land (which Elimelech left) represents God.  Elimelech and Naomi represent us, in my opinion.  We tend to find greener pastures away from God, and what goes from an innocent testing of the waters may turn into a full commitment to something pulling us from God.  I am reminded of the phrase "Sin will take you farther than you want to go."   

So, I will challenge you all to think of what your Moab is.  Pray about it.  When God reveals it to you, escape from it.  Flee to the Promised Land.  Elimelech may have been looking out for his family and wanting the best for them, but he failed to understand that the best thing for them was God and to stay in the Promised Land, no matter the circumstance.  

Times get tough, but don't stray from God friends.  Stay in Him.  It truly is the best place to be, no matter what it looks like in our eyes.  Remember, we are still clouded and can't see as God sees.  That's why we need to trust.  

I love you all. 

Lent/Community

Ash Wednesday was yesterday, which means the 40 days of Lent begins until Easter.  As many of you know, this is a time where some Christians give up something for these 40 days.  Many times it is some sort of food, like pop or candy…maybe running through the fast food line between shifts.  

For me last year, I took away something and then I added something else to my routine for these 40 days.  This year, I want to post this to be held accountable.  As hard as it is, I see that my biggest struggle where I am is making unnecessary purchases on impulse.  So, my thing I am going to give up, is spending money that I didn’t plan to spend (if I can help it).  This does not include necessities like gas, rent, etc.  Instead, these are those times where I have the impulse to drive through McDonalds cause I don’t want to cook, or shop for clothes that I don’t need.  This also means I only get what I planned to go out and get and keep myself from adding anything else to my cart.  By doing this, I hope to give more to my church and live more on necessity rather than want.

In turn, I am going to use my SendOutCards subscription and challenge myself to send out one card of encouragement every day.  Here is why my heart set on this: 

It is crucial that we don’t live in a vacuum.  

John 17 hints at how Jesus desires us to be one in spirit

The writer of Hebrews exhorts his readers in Hebrews 3 to live in community

I know that I get prideful, thinking I can live this life alone without anyone helping me.  But the reality is, I need you guys.  I REALLY need you guys.  I need you to tell me how I am doing.  I need you to be honest and real with me.  I NEED you to encourage me, and tell me I am doing all right.  I need your love.  I don’t always admit it, but I know I need you.  And you need me.  I want to know how I can help you. 

Jesus wants this of us.  He desires it because in our unity in spirit, he is shown to be the authoritative and beloved Son of God.  Our changed and joined lives is a witness of who Jesus is and his purpose for living among us.  

Satan doesn’t want it…in fact it is very easy for Satan to creep in discouragement and bitterness among communities…and we don’t even realize it.  How many times have you heard someone around you say something that offended you…and they didn’t realize it did?  Do you just brush it off most of the time?  We wish we could, but many times those innocent offenses build up and create this hardness in our hearts toward that person.  We don’t mean to be offensive, or disrespectful…but that’s how it sounds, comes off…that’s how it is received.  The more it happens, the more people shut off to us.   And what stinks is we are either to scared or too prideful to approach it and abolish it at the core.  

So when we approach each other in love and encouragement, approach each other in honesty.  And friends, your hearts may be innocent, but please watch how you say the things you say.  I know I speak with a tone that can pierce someone’s heart and completely offend them without meaning to.  I see and overhear people talk about offenses behind backs, but never approach the person themselves.  We all do it.  I am guilty of it too.  Satan smirks as he slowly watches the close, loving community drift apart, and when we aren’t in community, we are more vulnerable to attacks from the evil one.  

Hold fast.  Take heart.  It’s hard, but I pray that God can continually show me what my roles in my communities are.  I am not perfect, and often find myself hiding alone and refusing to show anyone my deepest vulnerable states.  

Let us pray like Jesus did, and seek that community so that the Son may be glorified and the evil one unable to penetrate.  

I love you all, and Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Mime Prayer

I've gone through more of John 17, and the last few nights I have come across a few verses that I want to share.  It has given me not only a way to pray, but it is perfect timing for how I can pray for my friends who are giving their time and energy for a production that my church is putting on for Easter.

Jesus shares an attitude in his prayer for his followers that I want to have developed more in me, and I want to focus especially on those that are sharing in the ministry of our church mime production.  I love all of you and wanted you to know I was praying for each of you individually and a whole.

14 I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. 19 And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

 Jesus has given us a great opportunity to present his Truth.  He has for years, and this year isn't any different.  Jesus prayed to not take us from this world, but to protect us from the evil one.  I pray that my focus isn't to be so quick to leave this sinful place, but to be protected from the evil one while I am still among temptation and trials.  We are still here, may our thoughts and prayers be more on the fight now rather than fleeing to our final destination with Jesus.  We don't fight alone, but when we are called to fight let's stand our ground knowing who is on our side.  We are still here on earth...let's give it everything while we are still called to do so.  

Jesus has won, and he is on our side.  He prayed for us to be filled with truth, and he says "your word is truth."  Be in the Bible.  Study, spend time with God.  Pray continuously.  Spend time with each other and encourage each other.  Seek the good in everything.  This is truly what Jesus wanted of our lives, because this is what he prayed for us before the cross.  Jesus has given us what we need, and we know that not everyone will accept that in us...and that's okay.  We are sent by God into the world, and Jesus is praying for us.  We should be praying for each other in this same manner.  

I wanted you to know that I am praying for you all like this.  We are not of the world, but called to spread the word in it.  We need to pray for protection from the evil one while we are still here.  Be in the word...I pray you find delight in it as you dig more into the characters you will be portraying to the community.  

You guys are all great, and I am so thankful for the encouragement you are to me.  Sorry this post is more seclusive to a group of people, but I really wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate you and want you to be encouraged through the words of Jesus.  

I love you all.