Psalm 77

Wednesday night I went to my church for a prayer time.  My pastor led us in a discussion on meditation and what it looks like through some of the Psalms.

Psalm 77 moved me to tears.  This psalm is full of what our hearts feel so often, and yet we find ourselves asking the question "Where are you God?"  We pray, we cry, we seek him, but we aren't comforted.  We feel drained, weak, alone.

At this point, so many of us reject God and believe that he never was there...even this psalmist is feeling that pit of despair.  

"In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;

in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;

my soul refuses to be comforted.

When I remember God, I moan;

when I meditate, my spirit faints."

(verses 2-3)

 The psalmist reflected and called out and prayed to God...but he still hurt.  His soul wasn't comforted.  He moaned, his spirit weak.  He felt no answer to his prayers at this point.  

"You hold my eyelids open;

I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

I consider the days of old,

the years long ago.

I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;

let me meditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made a diligent search:"

(verses 4-6)

The psalmist had a choice to make...he could accept the distress he had, or he could seek further.  It says that the psalmist "considered the days of old," remembering the good times.  He remembered when the walk was good with God, and the works God has done to remind the psalmist of his eternal faithfulness.   His spirit "made a diligent search."  It wasn't given, the psalmist sought it DESPITE how empty and betrayed he felt...

And the psalm takes a 180 degree turn around.  Now the psalmist asks about the character of God, asking if His love ever ceases, if His faithfulness ever dies, if His grace ever departed.  He remembers the miracles that freed Israel from Egypt.  He begins to praise God for who He is always, not what He appears to be now.  

This is huge!  This is amazing...this is hard!!  

We are promised that God is always there, ready to pick us up when we acknowledge Him with a pure heart.  However, it seems like this is not the case.  

How can I explain the psalm to someone who's loved-one just died?  How can I explain this psalm to someone who is worn from life and can't find any relief?  How can I explain this psalm to a friend who sits in debt and sees no way out?  

The answer isn't always the one everyone wants to hear...but here it is.  Don't give up.  Keep searching.  God is there.  From what I have seen from God in OT times, He appears to have left, but His hand was always over His chosen people.  

Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac so the Lord would "know" of Abraham's faithfulness.  God knew Abraham would be faithful and obedient, but he just showed himself that he would be.  I can think of this psalm the same way.  God knows if we will seek more or not.  We will show ourselves if we are truly obedient despite our worldly struggles.  We will learn obedience through the struggle and see the work God has done in our hearts through the struggle.  The psalmist does by remembering the good times, the blessings, and praising with a hurting heart.  

It's easy to praise with a light and happy heart... it's harder when our hearts are cluttered with worries, weak from trials, and hurt with aches.   

The last thing I want to do is praise God when things aren't going right....but it takes a great deal of trust to believe that it isn't what we see.  It shows our desire for a new world, one where sin is no longer free.  

The race is long, and the course is rough, but those who withstand to the end will see the prize.  

I love you all. 

His Majesty

Last night I was really pondering something...and it was spawned from the amazing storm system that went through Waverly IA last night. 

I got a text from a friend to check out the storm, and I instantly ran outside and stood in the massive plummet of raindrops that soaked me, while lightning and thunder roared around me.  I find this to be my instant reaction to storms.  Storms truly excite me.  The more serious their prediction, the more excited I get. 

I have been accused of being an adrenaline junkie...which is probably true.  I won't deny it.  But I don't feel it's the adrenaline that really gets me into storms.  I've wanted to be a storm chaser, run down tornadoes and capture the moment of such intensity!  But why? 

Because I'm crazy?  Because I want the thrill?  Eh, yes that's part of me...but it's not entirely true.  See, as the storm gets more severe, I am excited but then excitement turns into fear.  Fear because I know what will happen if that storm gets too close to myself, friends, and loved ones.  Destruction follows.  Deaths occur.  Inevitable damage rages the scene. 

So why do I like storms?  They remind me of God.  The characteristics of a storm coincide with the characteristics of our Mighty God:

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 19:1

The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side.

Psalm 77:17

Ascribe power to God, whose majesty is over Israel, and whose power is in the skies.

Psalm 68:34

Just as people can fall into the wrath of a raging storm, those that don't know Jesus will fall into his wrath when he comes again.


For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.”  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Hebrews 10:30-31

It is truly awesome to be soaked in his majesty.  I stand in the rain not because I like getting wet.  I stand in the storm because I want to embrace the majesty of God.  

These storms also remind me of the storms in my spiritual walk.  At times they rage all the more in my heart.  The thunder bursts louder, the lightening closer, and the wind thrashes me about as personal struggles become harder to withstand.  Standing in the rain during a storm is a delight, because I want to delight in my current struggles.  It is a reminder that storms come, and storms go, but God is always there, and perseverance is my goal.  The more the wind thrashes me about, the stronger God will make me.  The stronger the challenge, the stronger the growth.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

And thank goodness I don't have to stand in the storms alone...

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:23-25

I want to see the Majesty of God in my personal storms as I see him in the physical ones.  

The path of a storm is unknown, even though we try to predict it as best as we can.  The best thing you can do is obey the warnings and take shelter.  When the Judgement Day comes, where will your shelter be?  Will you heed the warnings now and abide in the only shelter for the ultimate storm?  

Until then, delight in the majesty of God all around you.  The skies proclaim the works of his hands!  

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

 

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns."

Revelation 19:6

 I love you all.

What Are We Missing?

Remember that phrase?  "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?"  I used to believe that...then I heard a sermon from Ed Moore that gave me a new perspective.  As many of you know, I dive into the book of Ruth a lot...I find lots of information from Ruth because I see a lot of good quality characteristics in Ruth that I ask God to show me.  I see correlations between Ruth and Boaz, and me and Jesus.  I always find something everytime I come back. 

I will say quickly however, that I read and study other books as well.  Don't just focus on one book to give you all the answers.  I just happen to really like reading and studying Ruth more frequently.  In 4 chapters, I find a lot. 

Near the end of the first chapter, we see Naomi and Ruth conversing.  As I listened to the sermon, I was blown away by how much was taken out of the last 4 verses....but I want to make one point to you that convicted me, and I hope it opens your eyes a little as well. 

Naomi was not at all worried about the spiritual condition of Ruth because she was so engrossed in her own loss.  We don't lose a husband and two kids on a regular basis, but what other little things consume us and bring our attitudes to an aggressive flare? 

"UGH!! I overslept again!!" 

"My kids just WON'T leave me alone!" 

"My car won't start...this is the second time this week!"  

"Another stop light??  Man I'll be late for sure!" 

"I lost my phone!"

"I'm so lonely..." 

The list can go on and on. 

No matter what the issue is, it can easily consume us.  It can make us bitter very easily. 

What made Naomi bitter?  I got some ideas that Ed mentioned in his sermon:
-She wasn't close to God in Moab
-She only saw her loss when she looked at Ruth
-She didn't understand the character of God
-She felt that she deserved more

How easy these 4 things relate to us.  Take a struggling single for example.  If I didin't rely on God, I'd fall into all 4 of these points.  If I'm not close to God, I'm not seeking Him and desiring His will above my own.  If I only see the pain in the singleness, I miss the blessing I have.  If I didn't understand God's character, I would feel like He was distant and withholding from me.  If I believed I deserved a husband, I would be upset every time I realize I don't have one. 

I don't deserve anything except Hell. 

Being on earth is a step above Hell, so no matter what happens here, we already are getting better than what we deserve.  I need to stop feeling that I deserve more and start enjoying more of what I do have.  I need to stop feeling bitter toward those that have what I want.  I am like Naomi too much, in that I have only seen my pain in other's rather than blessings.

Are we missing opportunies because of our bitterness?  I know I have.  I know I am. 

Friends, if we are focused on the world and material to get us what we want, we will always end up unsatisfied and empty.  We will always feel dissappointed.  If we feel we deserve the things that have been given to us, we will appear rude, bitter, and ungrateful when we don't have these things in our possessions.  When trials do come, we will heat up the room with our attitude.  We won't be stronger, we will be bitter. 

If we aren't concerned with spiritual, we will end up bitter.  Naomi was not concerned about spirituality in this first chapter.  She left Bethlehem with her husband because of a famine.  She returned back because Bethlehem was out of the famine.  Naomi's example is not one to follow.  Her attitude missed the point...she already sent her other daughter-in-law home.  She missed the opportunity to evangelise to Orpah.  If Ruth wasn't so set in following Naomi, Ruth would have stayed lost as well.

Who are we sending away in bitterness, and how can you find joy in all circumstances?  I pray that we can leave all bitterness aside and find a humble spirit in all things, knowing what we do deserve and being thankful that it isn't part of our fate anymore!   Praise the LORD!! 

I love you all friends.  Thank you for reading.  I hope it touched you today. 

Waiting....

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.
And when I was 25, I took it off.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.
“True Love Waits.” Waits.
What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

This was taken from a blog I read called "I Don't Wait Anymore"  It really spoke to me, and it's something that I currently am praying about in my own heart.

The words "True Love Waits" have been something that I haven't only worn around my finger for years, but it's also been worn around my heart.  It has been the statement that has kept me from emotionally plummeting when I felt lonely in singleness.  These words reminded me to be strong when I wanted to cry.  These words have been there to remind me that God has a bigger blessing for me...

But is this blessing what I'm called to wait for? 

We have been told to wait.  Wait for sex til marriage.  Wait for the right one.  Wait...wait...wait.

I don't know about you...but the idea of waiting means that I expect it to eventually happen.

Waiting for a husband means that I will have a husband someday...but will I?  What if I stopped waiting?  What if I was convinced that I didn't have to live life waiting?  What if I was so content in my current status that it didn't matter what happened tomorrow?  God didn't promise everyone would have a spouse.  God didn't promise that if we waited, he would provide a spouse.  God promised that He would give us the desires of our hearts...but does that include this gap we want filled with a spouse?

I don't believe so. 

I have a purity ring right now as well with this phrase on it..."True Love Waits."   Now, I could do as this girl did and take it off for the purpose of not waiting anymore.  I could also keep it on to remind myself to wait on the only One who's love is True.  Either way...my perspective on "waiting" needs to change.  It is not healthy to be set on something that God doesn't promise to us specifically. 

Keeping this perspective makes it hard when you see the joy that married couples have with each other.  It is hard when you want someone there to help your accountability.  It is tough when you see past singles that are now engaged and free to express it around you.  Jeolousy easily floods in because you want that to be you so bad....but it can't consume you.  Our hearts need to change, and our teaching to youth needs to change.

We can't tell ourselves to wait for love, we need to wait on the Truth that God teaches us on a daily basis.  Someday, there may be a husband in my life...but I have to stop waiting on the uncertain and start waiting on the Rock.  It is too tormenting to wait for something that may never come. 

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life!"   ~Psalm 139:23-24~

 If there was a door that you didn't know could open for you, would you wait to find out?

Keep fighting friends....I truly love you all. 

It's Not About Me

What if you were called to face your biggest fear?  What if you had been hiding from it all this time?  Afraid to expose yourself?  Afraid to fail people?  Afraid of others seeing your current weakness?  What if you couldn't run anymore?  What if you couldn't hide anymore?  What if God exposed everything to those you dearly loved?  What if the wounds you brushed off weren't being brushed off anymore?  What if you actually realize that you were relying on yourself...entertaining the world...trying to be what other people made you to be?  

What if you felt God taking you down a road that you were afraid to go, unaware of what you would face...but trusting He has your hand the whole way? 

This blog post is different from my other posts...those posts talked about my past struggles...they were written after the fact...to show I am stronger now. 

Well, I am not stronger.  I am not put together.  I am weak, vulnerable, and not willing to show the world my weakness.  I am talking it out here, to do myself a favor...to do you all a favor.  I am going to try to let go...not just say it...but really let go. 

Let go of the fear of failure.  Let go of the fear of loss of control.  Let go of the fear of not being good enough.  Let go of the idea that I have to be everything that I am not.  It will always be a struggle...but I realize that I have run and hidden when adversity comes. 

I didn't want people to see my weakest moments.  I didn't allow the Church to really help me.  My prayer group was there, and I would verbalize a few things...but I didn't want people to see my ugliest moments...and I hated the ugliest moments. 

But truly I see now...that God has something bigger in mind for me in this...I can't figure it out fully now...but it's not my call to know that. 

God pointed me toward Duos, and I prayed that God would abolish any method of me getting this job...if I wasn't supposed to be here.  He kept all the doors open...and here I am. 

But also, here my weaknesses are exposed, and an attitude that I have hidden for so long has finally been exposed to people that I truly love.  I have lost joy in the Word.    I have lost joy in Duos,  I lost joy in myself....I have lost joy in God. 

I expect so much from myself....but what does God expect from me? 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:5-6) 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

God never left me.  When I've wanted to give up and hate myself in the privacy of my apartment, God was always there keeping me safe.  When I'm exposed to my closest friends to share in my struggle and do what the Church does and encourage me....build me up...be used in a mighty way for God to do a MIRACULOUS change in my heart...God is there...holding me close to Him in a warm embrace, wiping my tears...hearing my cries...and He tells me "I have overcome."

He reminds me that HE will crush Satan under my feet, and HE has crushed the bondage of Sin...HE has created me in HIS image...HE has saved me.  HE has established my paths.  HE has control.  HE uses everything for HIS good.

...it's not about you, Kat...it's about Me.   (Jesus)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

I don't boast in my infirmities.  I don't speak of my weakness...I don't truly speak of my weakness the way I should.  I speak of my weakness to appear stronger, to show that I am not struggling...to show what I was and what I'm not anymore. 

But if I do speak of my weakness, it's not the best way to do it.  I don't do it to show how God has used me beyond myself...I do it to put myself down.  I believe speaking of my weakness and putting myself down are two separate things.  Putting myself down is bashing God's perfect design.  Boasting in my weakness is acknowledging the beauty of who God made me or didn't make me, and giving Him the glory beyond anything I could ever do. 

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God." (Ephesians 2:8)

I believe when God needs to really change me, He hits me hard.  God is taking the control from me, but also exposing my weakness when I want to stay strong.  He is showing me that it is not by my power, nor my glory.  Right now I am in the process of a pruning that I wish no one would see...but that is why I am going through it...because people need to see it and help me...I have to let people help me, and press on.  I need to remember who is on my side, and that He has already won.  I have to give myself grace...I see God's grace, and I see everyone else's grace...but I don't give myself grace because I have to meet my expectations of who I want me to be. 

....see the problem here?  I do now...

The following song is my current prayer...the power of this song has been amplified because of what God is bringing me through right now.  Right now in my life, this song holds a powerful prayer...So glad to hear that God gives me life!  It comes back to the Gospel...and power of the Gospel keeps us going...and this is motivation enough for me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFdQqoWggmU

Psalm 139 says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."  Who am I to challenge the Creator?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Thank God for showing me I am not alone, and I don't have to be alone.  I see I have friends all around me to be used...

The struggle continues, and the fight presses on, but the battle has been won...and the Victor is on my side!!

Praise God for His working hand in all things...including my imperfection and Sin.   The prince of darkness has no chance in foiling God's plans...in fact....what he does is in turn used to glorify God.  There is no war that hasn't been won by God.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  I get the opportunity to be part of it...but it's not about me, and I can't do everything I want to do.

So now, my question God...what do you want me to do?  Instead of me trying to be everything...what do you want me to be?  Who is Kat...and what is Kat supposed to do? 





 

Christ has Overcome!!

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."   John 16:33

Jesus did not just overcome death on the cross, but we follow a king who was tempted in everyway and did not fall once.  He overcame sin so he could become sin for us.  He took our sins, killed them on the cross and left them in the tomb!  

Praise the Lord!!  Christ has overcome!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mXeA0G_xKc

Saturday-Where's the Proof?

On the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I have pondered what this period of time was like for Jesus' followers.  They had just seen their King do wonderous miracles, preach outstanding and bold messages, and claim to be the Son of God through it all.  Then, they saw the world come in, they saw the wickedness of men appear to have the best of our precious Savior. 

What did the disciples see on this Good Friday?  The defeat of their Savior.  He claimed to be all these amazing things for them...now where's the proof?  He claimed to be the Great Shepherd, the Bread of Life, even the Resurrection and the Life.  Yet, on this day we remember him laying in the tomb.  What went through their minds? 

A good friend of mine made this statement last year, and I'm going to borrow it...we live in this same Saturday.  We wait for Sunday to happen.  Now we see that many times in the Old Testament and even in Jesus life the prophesy of Jesus death had to be fulfilled, and we even know that he said he will rise again. 

But right now, on this Saturday while it's happening...where is the proof?  Yes, he got crushed for our sins and bruised for our iniquities...if you remember he even raised Lazarus from the dead.

The disciples followed him throughout the ministry despite the parables they didn't understand, the messages they didn't reflect on, the miracles they saw but didn't comprehend the meaning...they still knew and believed that Jesus was Lord.  However, when the hardest of hardship came, even when prepared by Jesus, the disciples fled...kept a distance...and mourned the loss of their Savior as if it was for good. 

How depressing this day must have been...

We don't have to live like this.  We don't have to mourn over the death of our Savior, because we know what we celebrate tomorrow.  We don't have to worry about a narrow path that leads unknown, because we know Jesus walked it before us.  We don't have to cry over a hopeless situation, because the Words of Jesus lead us to believe otherwise if we just believe. 

So, when we are stuck in a Saturday, where is the proof?  It is found from the Words of Christ, credible through the miracles, finalized through the cross, and hopeful through the resurrection. 

Remember the promises not yet seen but soon to be fulfilled.

I love you all.