Too Cautious about Immorals...Time to Change

Last night I took an exciting 3-hour trip home.  Well, cruising through Iowa on Hwy 20 isn't exactly "exciting," but I have learned to look forward to these trips because this is a for sure time I get to myself with God.  Recently, God has really been opening my eyes to a chain that I've put on me.  I didn't realize this chain was part of me until recently, and I am thankful God took it off now and opened my eyes to this huge issue tying me down.

There is a book I am halfway through right now, and I would most likely speak more in depth about this book when I am done, but the base of this is that I have been relying on God too much for immoral decisions in my life.  By immoral, I mean things that God wouldn't consider as important as those things He has plainly commanded me to do.

For example, if I sit back and ask God to tell me to either go to Wal-Mart of Hy-Vee for groceries.  Or to pursue what major in my life.  The author even dared to put "who I will marry" into this category.  The argument in summary says that what God commands us to do fully is shared in His Word, and the choices we make down here can not possibly mess up His Sovereign rule and reign.  He calls us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind...and also to love our neighbors.  God gives us desires and pursuits, and in His Sovereignty He will call us to places...but not every choice we make is going to make or break God's will as long as we are pursuing those main commandments in our lives.

My flaw, is that I've wanted God to make all my choices.  Everything I do, I needed to know where to go, and I wanted to wait for a verse to point me somewhere, or a sign of some kind from people around me.  Truth is, I make the choices.  It's my life, and God's desires in me and wisdom planted in me will help me make the right choices.  God doesn't need to tell me every single time what to do.  Sometimes God will make it very clear to me.  I am not saying He doesn't, because He has numerous times through His scripture.  He also does indirectly through who He made me to be.  He gave me a brain and a will to make choices.  I can't mess Him up, and me being super cautious has given off that impression.  It has held me back from really fulfilling the commandments He has set straight before me.  In everything I do, I should acknowledge Him and pray for open and closed doors, but how do I know what's open and closed if I don't make the choice to try?  It doesn't matter what I am doing...God can use anything to accomplish His will.  Now, in the quietness of my heart, I do feel God tugging and pulling me in different directions...but I reflect on those and they all revolve around specifically loving others...not how I will do it, but that I just do it with what I am able to do. 

God knows my plans ahead of time (Jeremiah 29:11), he created me and knows me fully (Psalm 139), He has my future all planned out so I don't have to worry (Matthew 6:34), He grants me my desires to fulfill His commandments (Psalm 37:4), He wants me to be part of an amazing adventure (Matthew 4:19, Song of Songs 2:10), he gave me gifts, money, talents...and did not give it to me just so I can bury it (Matthew 25:14-30), His love rests on those who keep His commandments (John 14:21), I don't have to worry when everything in this world has already been overcome (John 16:33).      

Recently, I am looking at Nehemiah.  What I see with Him is that he did not ask the Lord "is rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem okay?  Should I do this?"  Instead, he just did it!  He knew it was right, God didn't have to tell Him.  Nehemiah prayed and acknowledged the Lord in this choice.   Chapter 4 verses 4-5, the prayer is focused on God's intervention, not his own.  Verse 9, they prayed and acted.  God made a way, and He gave them boldness, but Nehemiah made the choice.  I need to make the choice and trust that God will provide the rest of it. 

In saying all this, there is a huge problem in our world today that breaks my heart, and it destroys the beautiful design that God had originally created in his beloved daughters: sex trafficking.  This can be a separate blog post in itself, but I want to touch on this by sharing a link, a movie, and a dream.

http://nefariousdocumentary.com/  -Nefarious: Merchant of Souls 

A friend of mine prayed "God, it's not what one person can do, but what you can do through that one person."  We were challenged to help in three ways: prayer, awareness, and giving.  Right now I feel a desire and see a way to provide in all three ways, and I am going to make the choice to make that happen.  It is in obedience to God's commandments.  I will not limit God's ability to reach out through me.  Alone I can do nothing, but God can do amazing things through me and my choices if I believe God is able...and I know God is more than able.   

To close, I will leave you with Peter's second letter, starting at chapter 1 verse 3-11.

To God be the glory, now and forever.  Fight the good fight of faith, and continue to break your chains that are holding you back from seeing God's divine intervention.  He has given you everything you need.  How is God able to use you with those things? 

Confirming One’s Calling and Election

³ His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴ Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

¹⁰ Therefore, my brothers and sisters,^[a] make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, ¹¹ and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 I love you all. 

John 11 & Christmas in May

I want to share two pieces of inspiration I got last night and today.

While walking last night, God reminded me of the story of Lazarus (John 11).  I pondered on the phrase that Jesus faced when he arrived on the scene "If you were here, my brother would not have died."  If Jesus had arrived at the "right time" the tragedy wouldn't have happened.  If Jesus would have come sooner, Lazarus would not be laying in a tomb.  He'd be talking and laughing with his sisters.  If Jesus would only do what we want right now, our lives would be so much better.

This is what Jesus was told through that statement, and it was out of hysteria that Mary and Martha posed this to him.  They were emotional, and very upset at the loss of their brother.  They had faith that Jesus was able to save their brother, but that faith turned to try to meet their needs when they felt it was supposed to occur.  They almost seemed disappointed in Jesus for not coming soon enough.  

The base of this story, Lazarus needed to die for God to be fully glorified.  Yeah, it would have been cool for Jesus to come at "the right time" and heal Lazarus like Mary and Martha wanted/expected Jesus to do.  But, how much COOLER is it for a dead guy to walk out of the tomb fully alive??  Mary and Martha didn't see this at the time.

So often, we are caught thinking what we want and being bitter when that doesn't happen that way.  Some of us are still weeping...and Jesus weeps with us.  But in his right timing, we will see the glory in our disappointments...notice I didn't say Jesus' disappointments. 

Jesus never disappoints.  If we feel disappointed by Jesus, it's because something is not right with us.  We need to change our perspective if this emotional response happens often inside of us.


Now, today at work, I sat with the residents for a hymn sing, and one lady recommended "Silent Night."  Now, you can all sit and say "Oh silly elderly lady, she's confused."  But the next lady asked for a Christmas song, and the one after that.  The chaplain said "Some people celebrate Christmas in July, but we decided to celebrate Christmas in May."

And then I got to thinking...since when did songs like Silent Night become songs that were only appropriate to sing around Christmas?  We hear these songs one time a year, and it happens to be one of the most joyous occasions known to Christians everywhere.  Traditions and society make us hesitant to sing these songs outside of the expected time frame.  Shouldn't we celebrate the fact that our God wants to be that personal with us every day?

No, I won't bust out Christmas worship...but it made me really think about the barriers that my heart felt when that first song was called out.  I won't lie, I did think "Oh silly Eva, it's not Christmas time."  Now I feel ashamed.  It's not Christmas, but that shouldn't hold us back from celebrating what Christmas is about.

So have Christmas in May, June, July, October...March...anytime!  Celebrate all the good that God as done, and don't hesitate to sing about the glorious gift given during that time.  Traditions are good if they are heart-felt, but today I realized that society had inscribed on my heart that certain celebration is not appropriate at certain times...this is something we can and should celebrate every day!

If you are weeping about your expectations lying in a tomb, be prepared to watch Jesus make them walk again.  I pray that God would also show you the walls that you have built up between you and Him, and how those walls are hindering your worship and intimate time with Him.  We don't even realize it, and sometimes it takes a little old lady singing Christmas songs to open the eyes of your heart wider. 

I love you all.

Katherine Elizabeth Bell

I have told numerous people that my life is an open book, and that I would be willing to share anything you wanted to know about my life.  My mentality in being so open is because God is the author of my life, and His purpose for me is to glorify Him...so if He is writing my story, the purpose of that story is to glorify Him, so why shouldn't I share it?  This post may serve as a venting journal entry...but I hope as you read it that God would show you some encouragement and love for your own lives.  Tonight, my heart had been extremely hardened, and a process for me to soften it is to pour it out for public eyes.  I could go to bed sobbing tonight and "alone" or I could fight against it.  So, as part of my open book, let me dig deep into Katherine Elizabeth Bell for you all. 

Katherine Elizabeth Bell is beautiful.

But...she is also strong, and stubborn.  Kat really wants to be good enough.  Kat wants to succeed with everything she does.  She doesn't want to wait to be better...she wants to be good now.  She doesn't want to hassle people with waiting for her...she wants the end product now so others aren't held up by her.  She wants to show everyone how good she is and how put together she is, and how strong she is.  Secretly, Kat wants to be able to do everything and anything instantly with little preparation.  She wants to be the best wife, mother, daughter, musician, leader, fill in the blank.  If Kat pursues it, she wants to be the best at it. 

Because of this, Kat wants to be needed.  If she isn't good enough, it means someone else is better, and that person will replace Kat.  Kat wants to see her use.  She wants to see the fruit being produced through her.  Kat wants to share in the action of God's story, the adventure!

But Kat has another problem...

Kat lets her insecurity in her own abilities keep her from adventures.  If Kat doubts herself, she won't attempt...or it is very hard to encourage her to do so.  Kat doesn't want to fail.  Kat doesn't want to fail on account of others.  If Kat hurts herself, she could care less.  If Kat's mistakes only affected her and were only known by her, it wouldn't make a huge difference.  However, if other lives were involved, Kat's stress automatically could sky-rocket.  She doesn't want people to really see that she isn't strong enough.  She struggles with being vulnerable.  She doesn't want people to see her cry, hear her sob...but she does.  See, as a woman, Kat can get very messed up...she can cry and sob and hope no one finds her, but at the same time she does.  She hopes someone will run to her and love on her.  She wants to be so strong, but so weak at the exact same time.  It's times like these when Kat's heart is pulled on the most.  It's times like this when Kat is crying to God for deliverance. 

At those times, she feels all of her chains, and it's so hard for her to move.  That's when no one else can pull her up but God.  It's at those moments when Kat is reminded that no matter how strong of a woman she is, she can't be strong on her own.  God had to pull her up, not by her own strength alone.  God has to whisper truths to Kat...Kat couldn't hear concrete truths with all the lies and heartache in her own heart without God's gentle voice reminding her.

Kat also has another problem...marriage...no, she isn't married...but she so badly wants to be.  The desire on her heart is unbearable, especially on certain days in her life.  The life of a woman is complicated, but Kat really wants to just have a man pursue her.  Deep down, in all her struggles, it's all caused by not having a physical man pursuing her.  Kat wants to find a man who will think she is the best wife.  The best mother for his kids.  The best comforter, the best for him, period.

These chains weigh so heavy on Kat, but she's strong enough to withstand them and push them aside.  Some days though, she's on the floor curled up in agony because these things in her life aren't met the way she's expecting.  This is when God really reminds her of who He is to her.

Every day, God has many opportunities to take Kat's breath away.  God pursues Kat and fights for her heart constantly.  His heart breaks when Kat doesn't see those miracles.  God becomes jealous when other things take His place for Kat.  God hurts when Kat doesn't think she is capable of the things He has given her to do...but He really hurts when she doesn't trust Him with the things she can't do.  God truly wants Kat to prosper and be blessed...God has a man in mind for Kat, not to fill the needs of her heart, but to help encourage her and remind her how captivating she is to God.  Kat constantly has to be reminded that no man is going to take away her agony.  No man is going to fill every need in her heart.  No mere man is going to make her feel the best she can be.  God is still working on her man, and her man will be like Jesus...her man needs to pursue her like Jesus pursues her.  Her man, when he realizes his calling, needs to fight for Kat's heart like God does every day.  That's when Kat will know and see the man God is preparing for her.  Kat's heart will not settle for a coward.  Kat's heart will not settle for a man who isn't sure of himself.  Kat's heart will not settle for a man who will sit idle or stationary, or for a man that won't go out of his way to get her.  Her man will be secure in knowing that she is his, and he is hers...and that God has established that unity.  When he knows, he won't argue.  He will obey.

Kat is a fighter...and she doesn't like to be tied down spiritually and emotionally.  God is making Kat so strong, but only through God can Kat have the strength to do what He calls her to do.  Kat needs to trust that she won't crumble or fall.  It's hard for her, because she wants to make it work.

Kat is precious and honored in God's sight.  She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she can laugh at the days to come.  She sets about  her work vigorously, and strives to accomplish the tasks set before her.

She is a precious child of God, and the bride of the coming King.  Through her story...may the death and resurrection of Jesus be evident.  When people see her story, may they see God's continuous work.  May they see the change that the resurrection had on her life.  May they be encouraged by her lack of strength and great multitude of God's.  Despite all the lies and chains she fights with, this is truly the desire she desires.

What's your story?

Matt. 11- Showing the Father

I wanted to share with you all a couple pieces of encouragement I saw today while reading in Matthew with a few amazing girls.  In chapter 11, Jesus is approached by John the Baptist's messengers.  John wanted to know if Jesus was the one to come (verses 2 & 3) 

Jesus didn't reply with "Yes" or "No," but in fact his reply would cause John to think about what He knew of Christ and that the miracles being performed were of the Messiah.  God doesn't always give us blunt answers...in fact when we ask Him to clarify, many times He responds in this manner.  He reminds us of who He is and what He does, and that itself provides all the answers we need.  Don't be discouraged if you are still waiting for "Yes" or "No".....maybe "No, not yet."  If you aren't hearing those, read your Bible and hear God speak other truths to you that may answer your questions more than you intentionally wanted.  You will feel more blessed this way.

Also, later in this chapter, Jesus going into a "rebuking rant" (I like to say) about those who reject him.  He then continues after this rant by saying "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children....All things have been committed to me by my Father.  No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him." 

Woof.  So, after speaking out about those who won't accept the Christ, Jesus then says how it's God's pleasure for the educated to not see what has been hidden from them.  He denounces these places that have seen his miracles and not responded to them, and then prays to the Father a prayer of praise for keeping these things from the complex-minded and revealing them to those that haven't cluttered their minds with such "knowledge."  Maybe it's time to de-clutter my mind so that I may be like a child, able to see God's miracles today. 

I really love the transition between the end of that passage into the last three verses of the chapter: 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  (verses 28-30)

I never made this connection before, because I'd looked at these three verses alone from the rest of the passage...but here is what I feel Jesus is doing...

"I want to show you the Father, and only I can show you the Father.  Here He is."

NUMEROUS times in Psalms there are phrases like "The Lord is our help and shield"  (33)   "The Lord is the stronghold of my life" (27)  He is our hiding place (32) 

Only a short few examples from Psalms...and this is what Jesus is showing the people he has chosen to reveal this to about the Father.  "Come to me, I will give you rest."  Like a shelter, a place of security.  God is our security...our only security that will sustain everything this world has to throw at us. 

Jesus wants to show you more of the Father.  Feel blessed with what He shows you, because only Jesus can show us the Father, and only the Father and Jesus can decide who sees what.  It's a gift from God, not by anything we can do (Eph. 2:8).  Praise Him for it, and ask Him to show you more. 

Act on Your Divine Burdens

This post will be shorter with a challenge for all my readers. 

What's tugging your heart?  What has God put on your heart right now to do today?  Who is He putting on your heart to love on?  What do you see that hurts your heart...or better yet...God's heart?  Do you feel you need to do something about it?  Don't keep asking "What can little me do to this big problem?"  But rather, come to God asking "What little things can I do now?"  Some of us are called to change the world on a large scale, but most of us are called to make "small" changes that cause a ripple effect in the grand scheme of things.  Sometimes we see this huge problem and feel inadequate to make even a dent for God.  If we all thought this way, no dents would ever be made.   However, as a Body, if we all acted together as a unit, we can make a HUGE dent.  God can work wonders through us if we just allow ourselves to give in and act on the burdens He has given us. 

So, my friends, I say this mostly to myself, but also for everyone else out there.  Get out of your comfort zones.  God showed me tonight, on my ocean, a storm all around me...except I was unharmed in the eye of the storm.  I saw Jesus standing out a ways from me, in the crazy chaos of nature.  He was calling me to get out of my little tube of protection and march through the storm to him.  Get out of the eye of the storm.  Stop watching the chaos around you.  You each see something different, and your hearts tug differently.  I urge you all to step out of your tube of protection and let Jesus use you in the storms around you. 

I am praying for our country, and our world.  There is a lot of injustice out there.  There are lots of problems with us individually and as a nation.  It makes God hurt, and our hearts feel that through the burdens He grants us.  Join me.  I urge you, as my brothers and sisters in Christ, to actively join me in your prayer life and daily activities to pursue a change in our country.  We need it. 

I love you all. 

Decision, Not Feeling

God spoke to me again tonight.

Today was just a trying day for me...my body wasn't cooperating (ladies, you can attest to this often), my throat and lungs were full of snot, I was exhausted...and I just felt like nothing was working like it did last week or before that.  I had worship practice tonight, and I couldn't sing and praise like I really enjoyed because of this respiratory cold.  I am pretty bummed...trying not to throw a pity-party...but sometimes it just happens before I realize what I'm doing (ps...I hate giving personal pity parties...I can do something better with my time and energy). 

In a devotional, the following line stuck to me, "Love isn't a feeling, it's a decision."  The devotional was about the lies of marriage, which was rather interesting to me.  I read this and God spoke to me in another area of my life that required commitment.  The lady referenced our favorite love chapter, I Cor. 13.  She reflected on how love in marriage isn't based on feelings.  Sometimes things get rough, and each spouse has a choice to make.  There are 3 lies that creep into a marriage, and the lady in my devotional tried to counter them with 3 truths.  The two sets are as follows:
Lies
• I married the wrong person.
• He should make me feel loved.
• There is someone else better out there.
Truths
• Having a good marriage is more about being the right partner than having the right partner.
• Love is a decision.
• The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water and fertilize it.
The main point is that we should not be basing our situation on feelings alone.  Our feelings will deceive us.  Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"  

I can't understand my own feelings and their source...Yes, I know God still shows me visions, and I still hear whispers in my heart throughout the day.  I still talk with Him and sit in quietness and allow His Spirit to fill me.  Yes, I know that happens.  But...

"For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."
Psalm 33:4 

God's Words to me are spoken best in His Word...the Bible.  I try to challenge everything that happens in my heart with the Bible.  I try to think more critically about what's in the Bible and how it's being written.  I try to know God by knowing how He spoke and acted back long ago.  He still speaks like this today.  His Word is relevant today.

Back to feelings, I am learning to take more chances based on what I know, not what I feel.  Making a decision...and sticking to it despite my wicked and wayward heart.  Then you find that fine line of being stubborn when God is trying to lead you somewhere else...again, challenge everything with His word and really dwell on God with everything...I still believe that God will tell us what to do through our desires...but again...fine line, and I can't tell you all when it's right to listen to your heart and when it's not.  That's your personal growth and discovering with God.  I am still working on this...slowly getting better.

So, tonight I made a choice.  I chose to go hard-core into finding housing and maybe another job in Waverly.  I searched all over, wrote down numbers, opened myself to any possibility I could find and went for it.  My anxiety shot up really fast.  Tears swelled as I thought about my unknown and unplanned future.  My faith seemed so weak, but I ran to God to comfort me fast.  

He caught me tonight...I like to play "Bible Roulette" as a friend likes to say.  I calm myself, and let my fingers flip the Bible open without knowing where I'm opening to so my heart isn't leading to a passage that I know will confirm what I want to do.  I read what's on those two pages, and let God surprise me.

 "O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago....You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat..." 
Isaiah 25:1 & 4 (I seem to always open in Isaiah somewhere when I do this...and it ALWAYS speaks to me)

Can I say anything else?  Those were God's Words to me...that I needed to tell Him.  So,  I will.

Dear Heavenly Father, you are my God.  I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.  You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat.  God, I need to feel your security.  I am poor, I am in distress.  I need your shelter.  I believe you are faithful in all that you do.  I have read of your many marvelous deeds, and seen how your prophesies have fulfilled.  I ask LORD that you show those again in this age.  That you remind me of your faithfulness.  That I will choose to be faithful, and not wait for my wicked heart to catch up when I need to act now.  Most of all, I ask for your Peace.  Your peace that surpasses all understanding.  I pray that I can remain calm in the chaos.  That I will act accordingly to your will, and not my rash and impatient impulses.  Fulfill your promises oh LORD...would you prove yourself again?  

In your Holy and Powerful Name,  Amen

O Happy Day!

This song screamed from my heart this morning.  Happy Easter!!  I am blaring it as many times as I can before I go to church.  =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo8rcwe0Zm4