Bible Reading Part 1

It has been a while since I've posted anything, but that doesn't mean that God hasn't been teaching me. 

I feel my head and heart being overloaded with God's wisdom every day, and almost to the point that I can't have anything sink into my heart because my head isn't allowing enough time to meditate. 

Each night, I read a little devotional from a book called "More Precious Than Silver."  It's a nice and peaceful way to end my day and rest in peace for the night, I've noticed anyway.  Besides the point, last night's devotional is worth a blog post to talk about, as well as an explanation of something we don't always know how to do...read the Bible. 

"Come now, let us reason together."  Isaiah 1:18

When tragedy blindsides you and almost knocks you silly, you are understandably bewildered.  You feel confusion and panic.  You may feel afraid that more hardship will come on top of it all.  You may feel like cursing.  Or praying.  You may feel a thousand things.  But at some point, somewhere along the line, if you don't stop feeling and start thinking about how to attend to the circumstances you find yourself in, you'll freeze.  

Yes, intense suffering calls for deep emotions.  In the aftermath of a terrible tragedy, people weep.  We should weep.  God weeps.  But there is also a time to think.  Neither can replace the other.  

When you are able to raise your head above the heartache in which you are swimming, the Bible tells you to take the next step.  It is full of commands to 'think,' 'ponder,' 'weigh,' and 'judge.' Jesus often turned questions about the meaning of life, death, and suffering back onto the questioner.  'What is written in the Law?' he would ask.  People would blink, sniff back their feelings, flip the pages in their mind, think out loud, and come up with the relevant passages.  But this didn't end the discussion.  Next was the real work.  'How do you read it?' Jesus would ask.  That is, what do you think these Scriptures mean?  Jesus never allowed room for sloppy or sentimental thinking about the tough issues of life.  

What you think about God influences your friendship with him.  It affects how much glory you give him.  But your imagination about God isn't reliable.  If we simply trust our emotions about him, we recreate him in our own image.  We then become like the people Paul described: 'They are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge' (Rom. 10:2).  

Do you have a question about God?  A question about your circumstances?  Make the Bible your only safe source of knowledge about him.  Make this a commitment for the year.  

Help me to search for you, God, not in my imaginations but in your Word. 

After I read this, I started to doubt something about me...I love imagination.  I love to let God rule in my mind and give me pictures to fall more in love with him.  I love it when I close my eyes and God gives me visions that display His Word more to me.  But after reading this I started to doubt that a little.  After pondering, I hold no doubts anymore, because my imaginations were based on His Word, and that is essentially what God wants me to get a deeper grasp on anyway. 

I realized, however, that many times I would box God into my imagination and saw the sin in this.  God is not boxed into anything, but small portions of Himself are displayed to us.  Not everything at once.  As we read and understand Him more, we need to understand that God reveals a portion of Himself to us, not the whole being. 

God allows us to feel and experience in life, but we need to go beyond that and learn from His Word to understand what we are feeling.  Not why we are feeling it, but hear God's Word through it to encourage us and lift us up.  We don't need to know why, and God doesn't say He will reveal the reasons to us.  That u=is the beauty and the "curse" of just trusting.  We have a hard time just trusting God.  We forget His miracles and the good He has given us already, and fall back into doubt.  This is just the pattern of humanity, and it's the pattern we have seen throughout history for all the people that God loves. 

In a future blog-post, I will post something I have found helpful.  I bought a journal (not one I am currently using at the moment) that is a study journal.  At the beginning of it, it gives a very easy set of directions for studying the Bible.  I will post those directions down because I feel we all need a reminder of what we can really do to not just read the Bible, but take time and meditate on the Scriptures.  I know I need this.  I need to slow down and simplify what is going into my head so I can really give myself time to devour it in my heart. 

This is how I will stand on a strong foundation, and this is how I will be able to stand against my enemies.  If I am not equipped properly with the Word of God and understand how I can truly trust His awesome power, I will crumble and fall.  If I don't understand how to put myself out of the way of God's plan for my life, how can He prevail in me?  If I don't know how to give the strongholds in of my life to God than to Satan, how can I overcome? 

It is important friends.  Don't just read your Bible.  Devour it.  Savor it.  Live it.  It is alive.  Ask God to show you how alive His Word is today. 

A Psalm of Kat

My young adult group talked about writing a psalm as we went through the book of Psalms, but I felt I'd get a head start.  (I bet I could write more than one anyway)

When David is writing the psalms, (or the others writing the psalms for that matter) we see him using the area around him or the circumstance he is in to bring the praise and glory back to God, whether that's through rejoicing or crying out for help.  It is all revolving around our sovereign God's ability to keep us safe.

So given circumstances, heart desires, and promises in my life, here it is:

a Psalm of Kat, written while in refuge

I call to you day and night oh Lord.
You hear your servant from afar.
I praise you because I am the crown of creation.
I offer sacrifices of praise on behalf of your great Name.

Oh Lord, you have heard my requests day and night.
You see the agony my heart holds with promises not yet seen.
Do not bring this heart to shame God.
I have heard your voice, I have seen your glory.
Your Word enhances the visions I have perceived.

Numerous times I have given you my desires,
And numerous times I have seen the fruit in them.
Your instruction brings encouragement as I see my desires grow more and more.
When I doubt your promise, you are quick to remind me.
When my heart is sick, you are quick to pick me up.
You have blessed me with wisdom beyond explanation.

Your love surrounds me and protects me.
I hear you rebuke my enemies, it gives me courage.
Your great name gives me strength to press on.  

My heart rejoices at your work, past present and future.
I do not perceive all the work you are doing, but I trust you are doing as you promised.

Lord God, do not put my heart to shame.
Do not forsake the promise your servant holds to.
At the rising sun, I will praise you.
At the end of the day, you are my true heart's desire.

Patiently Wait in His Refuge

Last night I had the opportunity to babysit some amazing kids for a couple hours.  I will admit, I'm pretty "out of practice" with babysitting kids.  I got slightly nervous about the whole deal, but saw how silly it was for me to be nervous as the night went out. 

These kids were so good, and I honestly enjoyed putting these kids to bed.  One of these little kids didn't really want to get any sleep while there were new people in the house with her!  She wanted to keep getting up and be with us.  However, it was very precious to be on her bed with her reading her a story and talking with her to try to get her little eyes weary, even if it was more than once.  

As I lay there with her, praying with her, I couldn't help but think of when this would be my girl.  As I put the little boys down, I couldn't help but think when my little boy is going to sleeping under my care. 

As I was home with my parents, talking about their parents, I couldn't help but think about them as the grandparents of my children....and how much I wanted to give them more little kids that they would watch grow up and be a valuable part of their lives as their parents were to me.  Both my granddads did not live long after I was born.  My mom's dad passed away a couple days before my 3rd birthday, and my dad's dad didn't live much longer after that.  My last grandma passed when I graduated high school.  I hold such great memories with her, but wonder what my grand dad's were really like. 

I pray my kids won't have these questions in their lives, because I really pray my parents can have a chance to spoil my kids and give them amazing memories that we can share together when they get older.  This is just one more excuse for me to get antsy and anxious about my future, but I need to keep remembering these valuable lessons that Jesus teaches me:

Do not be anxious about anything, but offer everything to Him in prayer (Phil. 4:6-7)
God is making everything beautiful in it's time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
God is always working, and sometimes I have not because I ask not...If I have faith and remain in Him, I know He will come through for me (John 14-16)

I also wanted to share an awesome visual I read last night...picture yourself in this: 

It's a hot day out here in this wasteland.  As you ride along on the ranch, you begin to gather the cattle in the area.  You are out on this task alone, but as you ride around looking for all of your herd, you look off in the distance and see a giant rock that could be seen for miles.  You remember the voice of your father saying "Do not be afraid.  If you ever get lost, go to that rock.  Stay there, and I promise you we will come for you."  

You keep riding, and eventually lose track of time and location.  As you turn back, you see the rock from a distance.  You aren't afraid, you remember what your father said.  You begin to ride toward the rock and hide in it's shade to keep yourself from the beating sun.  Hours go by, but you continue to wait because your father said he would come.  

Then, in the distance, you see your father coming for you...just like he promised. 

How awesome is that?  God is described as our rock and our refuge.  I felt this was an amazing way to visualize what that would be like for us.  God provides us with his ultimate protection, and whatever promises He has placed in your life, He will keep those promises.  While you wait for Him, He also promises to keep you safe.  What comfort! 

I am sitting on this rock while I wait for God to come make me a wife and mother, and I am also sitting on this rock while I wait for God's promise to bring me in His presence...and I have to remember to stay on this rock as I wait.  Someday I'll see Him coming to fulfill so many promises and desires to me, but what a comfort to know the refuge I am in as I wait. He is good and kind and gentle in Spirit, and He never fails. 

Let your imagination run wild with this fact of our loving Savior.  His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out of you.  He is patient, and He makes all things beautiful in it's right time.  Trust Him, and take refuge in Him every day. 

Clear sky, stars twinkling above.  Nothing around you but open land.  You're sitting on a huge rock, resting in it's protection as it hides you from unwanted critters in the night.  You look up to the heavens and close your eyes "Here I am Lord.  Here I wait, for you.  You will come, you promised."

Commitment

God has shown me that I have an issue with commitment.  Not necessarily how I thought I would, but lately there are things that I have really seen in me that I've neglected for numerous reasons. 

Over the years, I see that I have a hard time keeping up with people.  I haven't committed to my distanced relationships. 

I don't commit to things that I fear will fail.  Why would I work at something that isn't going to work out anyway?  Sadly, I really don't give this a chance to even work out.  I don't persevere through it to make it work out, even if God has laid the path before me to allow it to happen. 

I don't commit well to reading plans by committing to too many reading plans so I can't even keep going with one consistently. 

I ask for prayer with this.  I easily overload, and by doing so it's hard for me to soak in anything because I am focused on too many things. 

I don't want to be this girl anymore, and I am willing to let God change my heart so I persevere more through trials and don't curl up and give up when it doesn't seem to be working right away.  I feel this is better in some areas, but I want to be full of hope in His promises more and have peace in working through trials that need more effort on my part.  I don't want to be afraid to fail and appear lazy because of it. 

Thank you for your prayers in advance.  If you need prayers for anything I would love to pray for you. 

How Dare You God!

In a devotional for today, I pondered a concept enough to want to explore and blog about.  I found this piercing my own heart deeply, especially with all the recent abduction stories going around. 

I don't know about all of you, but deep down I personally despise those people that would want to take children and torment them through trafficking or sickening sexual desires.  I can't find it in me to ever want to give them a second chance.  I really feel like Jonah. 

We understand the story of Jonah pretty well, but read through it briefly.  It's only 4 chapters long. 

Short story cut shorter:  God tells Jonah to preach to an extremely wicked people, Jonah refuses and runs away, big storm and fish happen, Jonah gives in and preaches of God's wrath...and God forgives them and rebukes Jonah. 

I want to split this up for us to ponder more...and how personally I related to Jonah with today's hot media stories:


Jonah hated Nineveh. 

He fled because he didn't want God to save them.  He didn't want God to forgive them, and he didn't want to give these people a chance because in Jonah's mind, they didn't deserve it.  

Jonah refused to be part of these people salvation, but after some good negotiating he finally went to them and preached in hatred...wanting to see the disaster he spoke of actually happen. 

All that is recorded of Jonah's preaching was "Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned."  That's all Jonah said.  No repenting message.  Jonah just spoke of destruction.  Oh how that would have felt to say those words to such a wicked people!  However, the result was not what Jonah wanted to have happen.  Deep down, we see the real hatred Jonah had for the wicked city of Nineveh. 

God loved Nineveh

God used that "hatred" to stir up the Ninevites so much that they repented...and God forgave.

"When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened."  Jonah 3:10

Jonah hated that God loved Nineveh

"O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home?  That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish.  I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.  Now, O LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."  Jonah 4:2-3 

It sounds like Jonah is saying "That's just like you God!"

Yes...that's just like our God.  That's just like God to take a sinner like me and bring me to His glory.  That's just like God to sacrifice His only Son for a wicked people in order that we may share in His inheritance.  That's just like our God to love everyone unconditionally.  That's just like God. 

I can plug myself into Jonah's place with so many types of people. 

Kat hates sex offenders, but God loves sex offenders...and many times Kat hates that God loves sex offenders. 

I am thankful Jesus was not like Jonah.  Jesus obeyed God's call and reached out to us, a wicked people like Nineveh.  The problem is we don't always see it that way. 

Our big downfall is we constantly and naturally make comparisons.  We compare ourselves to others around us.  "At least I don't do that."  "So I lied a little bit, but at least I didn't sleep with my friend's wife."  It's all the same in God's eyes, and we don't realize how sickening every sin is to Him.  We are ALL wicked people, and this "hierarchy of sin" that we make up really doesn't match how God sees sin.  (Romans 3:23)
 
If we are called to be like Jesus and preach the Gospel to every nation, we need to remember that we too deserve the same fate and it is by God's grace we are even able to be saved.  It's so hard, and something I will constantly be pierced with. 

How do you relate to Jonah?  What is your Nineveh?  Ask God to change your heart to react in love for them, praying for their repentance.  It's hard...it's really hard...but it's what Jesus would do, and something he already did.   Thank Him because He is gracious and compassionate, even if you don't want Him to be.  It's not our call who gets saved and who doesn't.  As God says very well in the last verse, "Should I not be concerned about that great city?"  Should He not be concerned about everyone no matter their background? 

That's just like you God...thank you.

To God Be the Glory

Salvation...no matter how extravagant or simple your story is, it is still an awesome thing.  Some people (our friend Paul) may have turned from a life of persecution to a life of fearless evangelism.  Others may have "just prayed a little prayer in a normal, good Christian home." 

How it happens doesn't make it any more or less awesome.  We need to remember that our souls have been saved from eternal damnation.  We have been spared from the eternal wrath of God.  It doesn't matter how it happened here, because what matters is IT HAPPENED!

But after the fact, it is so cool to see how God has changed you because of His Son.  It is really neat to step back and see how far you've come.  Don't get caught in the past however, remember to keep striving forward.  But...sometimes it's really neat to see how God has done a work in you so far.  You really see the kind of person that God has saved you from, and it makes Him more glorified in your life! 

A could Sundays ago, I prayed to be more vulnerable and to open up more to people and ask for more help...
During the sermon this Sunday, God filled me with terrible behaviors and instances of my past, and told me "I opened your eyes numerous times...remember?"  And I started to play the "What if..." game.  Thankfully, I don't have to think "What if"  because I now know what my future will be thanks to my awesome Savior.

I prayed about it, acknowledging this isn't part of me anymore, and I was called to share with you all a few things that has happened in my life that I am so glad God saved me from, because I don't know how I would have turned out if those little things didn't occur as they did and if God didn't open my eyes to change.  To God be the glory. Sorry it's long...but I hope it's worth it. 

I was saved at a young age, 4 or 5 years old as I prayed a prayer at my bedside with my Mom.  Around that young age, a “friend” would hang out with me and show me some ways to pleasure myself and him.  In my innocence, I didn’t think anything of it.  This kid would lay on top of me, French kiss me, and show me how I could do other things alone to myself.   He would get more physical the more he knew I would allow him to show me, and finally my dad was catching on to this kid.  He found us and chased this kid off our yard thinking he stopped the problem.   Had my dad not cared, I wonder what would be different in me today…

Those images and feelings haunted me.  I wanted the pleasure, and being young I tried to do that to myself.  My mom caught me and scolded me, so I just got sneaky.  But as I grew up, I knew this wasn’t right.  I knew I didn’t want to be wanting this, but those images kept haunting me.  Images of this guy on top of me consumed me…

I struggled with being alone so young.  Before high school, I was obsessively into one of my youth leaders…to the point that I would stalk the poor guy.  He knew I was doing this, and he tolerated it, but he never really told me to stop it.  I lived pretty close to him, and I would sit on the corner a few houses away from his house, waiting for him to come home or come outside so I could stare at his very lean and fit body.  This man was 10 years older than me…and I was only about 13.  

When I got to high school, my youth group went to a nation-wide event called Challenge.  It was held every 4 years in Salt Lake City Utah, and I was able to go with my group.  Here, another crush of mine (only a few years older than me this time) was with us.  I am not sure where we were, but it was dark outside and him and I were out talking.  I was still haunted by those images as a kid, and for some reason it was consuming that night.  I fell to my knees *dramatically* but my friend took the opportunity to lay his hand on me and pray for me to be released…and I was.  I was not haunted by those images, nor have I had any occurring images run through my head since then…but the pleasure seeking spirit was still there to be struggled with. 

Numerous other times I would have crushes, some with close friends.  I would get impatient and initiate discussions of relationships, hoping they would return feelings for me, and none of them did.  I was devastated, wondering what was wrong with me and telling God that he didn’t make me pretty enough.  Nobody wanted me.  Nobody wanted to love me.  I had a hard time loving myself.  

But then, after my freshman year in college, someone did love me.  A younger boy, only a Sophomore in high school.  I worked with him over the summer and developed a good friendship with him, and stronger feelings followed from both ends.  The last day before I would head back to Wartburg that year, we went for a walk…and again…I started the conversation of my feelings…but this time he echoed my words back.  I cried with him as he held me that night…a feeling I had been longing for so long.  

That relationship lasted 3 years…talk of marriage arose between us.  My life was planned to live near him when I graduated and wait for him to finish school.  That would have brought me to Sioux City Iowa after I was done at Wartburg and my internship.  My parents knew something was wrong, but I refused to give in.  I began to think that he and I were against my parents.  Distance rose between me and my family emotionally.  I would feel out of place.  Family holidays happened, and I felt I didn’t belong.  They didn’t like him, and it made me mad.  I tried to get him to go to church with me, but he didn’t want to.  He didn’t want to dig deep into God, and I eventually became okay with this.  I tried to change him…I really never gave him reason to think he was good enough…

Then I compromised more physically…he and I wanted to be alone…and the more we got alone, the deeper into each other we got.  At this point, I suppose I only knew how to physically please, so that’s what I wanted to do, compromising more and more my original stand for my purity.  Finally, after dated over 2 years, I had broken the one promise to my future husband that I couldn’t take back.  I lost my virginity.  At the time I didn’t think it a huge deal, because I was set on this guy being my husband anyway.  As I said, my life was based around him.  He gave me a promise ring and everything, so I thought I was okay.  

Then God changed this guy’s heart to another girl.  We broke up, and I was shattered.  Not only was my life completely lost now, but I no longer had that precious jewel in me.  Reality hit me hard the couple days after he broke up.  I am no longer a virgin…(this is not easy to say, please understand that).  

Now my ponder moment, what if God didn’t send my dad to stop my younger friend?  What if God didn’t answer my friend’s prayer to release me of those memories?  What if God didn’t break me of my relationship?  Would I be pregnant now?  What would I be doing?  How many would I have been with?  Friends, I see God has saved me, but I also see a lesson…I see that the majority of the guys I fell for were Christians, but not Jesus Lovers.  I didn’t date because God knew I wasn’t ready.  For so long I had begged God to give me someone…and I was willing to really take anyone that would return my love.  He gave me someone to show me something valuable, even though it hurt me.  He showed me the value of my family by having that suffer.  He showed me the value of my purity by having me lose my virginity.  He showed me the kind of guy I really needed by giving me what I was asking for.  God has really opened my eyes through these circumstances, but something deeper happened after the break-up and even up to today.  God showed me that HE is the one that can fill me.  He was the one I was seeking all this time.  However, I payed a huge price because in losing my virginity, my heart aches even today.  I was looking through some of my journals in finding what I wanted to share on this post, and I came across this section:  

December 4, 2011 – Breaking Free Mission Trip Reflection

….We loved on people…We loved these women that for their whole lives hadn’t known what real love was.  Then it hit me.  My past came back.  My imperfect soul and body.  The fact I was not a virgin killed me.  But God grabbed my heart with a verse (referred to a sermon shared that Sunday).  To me, my sexual sin made me tainted and unworthy of a godly man who was waiting.  I felt that a godly man was being dangled in front of me to taunt me.  “He is so rare and in love with God…this man…I could entrust my everything to him…but he deserves more.  He is looking for something I don’t have anymore.  He is wanting someone who waited. I blew it with him…”  These are my lies.  I am not bound by this person anymore.  Yes, I made a mistake, and no longer have the treasure called “virginity,” but I am made pure again through Christ.  I am “forgetting was is behind and straining for what is ahead.”  

I see now that in order for me to see the real beauty of Jesus, God needed to break me by “giving in” to my desires only to take it away and show me that He is still there when everything else crumbles before me.  He planted a pain in my heart that aches for other girls that are struggling like I did and still do at times.  I had to pay a huge price before I would be able to see past my pity party of being forever alone.  And I take that today by asking God to soften my heart to hear Him more and by getting more of myself out of the way.  Today I dig on the promises of His unfailing love and pursuit for me.  I see how Rahab was blessed and forgiven, but I also see how those that resist temptation more than I could receive a higher reward, hence why a virgin was appointed to carry the Son of God.  The prostitute and tainted woman is used to show our relationship with the Father, and the cool thing is that we will be completely clean of our past and presented as a beautiful bride before our Lord.  What a promise that is for me!   I hope that the man I marry will still see a precious jewel before him on his wedding day, and that God would renew that in me for his sake.  I also pray that this man and everyone reading this will see the power and love of God working through me, and that this will open your eyes more in making connections of God’s hand in your lives.  

Genesis 2, when Adam was made and alone, God said “It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a suitable helper for him.”  

That is me…I am my husband’s suitable helper, designed for him…and somehow this past of mine, this impurity of mine, this change was used to really grip me and make me just that.  I know he will see that when God opens his eyes, I just have to trust beyond my own being.  The biggest change I see is based on the lie Satan planted in me saying “This is how you please a man,” which led to my fall.  Not anymore…God is showing me how I can really please the godly men around me, and even my husband beyond the physical.  The rest comes later, in the marriage bed.  Then I can unleash everything.  

This time, I will wait.  Thank God for second chances. 

Food for Thought

There are just a few quotes I want to post up here from a book I am slowly making my way through called Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer.  I read a little last night, and these quotes really made me stop and ponder.  I was really taken back with the quote from Chapter 12, but all these are good points to ponder. 

"It is heartening to learn how many of God's mighty deeds were done in secret, away from the prying eyes of men and angels.  When God created the heavens and the earth, darkness was upon the face of the deep.  When the Eternal Son became flesh, He was carried for a time in the darkness of the sweet virgin's womb.  When He died for the life of the world, it was in the darkness, seen by no one at the last.  When He arose from the dead, it was 'early in the morning.'  No one saw Him rise.  It is as if God were saying, 'What I am is all that need matter to you, for there lie your hope and your peace.  I will do what I will do, and it will all come to light at last, but how I do it is My secret.  Trust me, and be not afraid.'" (Chapter 11-The Wisdom of God)   So if something doesn't seem to be happening, take comfort that God regularly works in ways we don't always see right away.

"Science observes how the power of God operates, discovers a regular pattern somewhere and fixes it as a 'law.'  The uniformity of God's activities in His creation enables the scientist to predict the course of natural phenomena.  The trustworthiness of God's behavior in His world is the foundation of all scientific truth.  Upon it the scientist rests his faith and from there he goes on the achieve great and useful things in such fields as those of navigation, chemistry, agriculture, and the medical arts." (Chapter 12-The Omnipotence of God) I saw on the news that this drought we are experiencing can last as long as til Halloween before we see any relief for our land.  We are able to predict this based on past weather patterns and dissecting the atmospheric movements over time.  So my question for you all, which I am very intrigued with further discussion....do you feel it odd that God would make a 'pattern' to make his works predictable, or would you feel this to be part of the Fall?  Feedback welcome. 

"When the psalmist saw the transgression of the wicked his heart told him how it could be.  'There is no fear of God before his eyes,' he explained, and in so saying revealed to us the psychology of sin.  When men no longer fear God, they transgress His laws without hesitation.  The fear of consequences is no deterrent when the fear of God is gone."  (Chapter 13-The Divine Transcendence)  I am going to make a bold claim and connect this passage with our current state in America...Just ponder this connection.  Again, personal discussion on this topic would be amazing.  I encourage input, both to fill me and to overcome a fear of confrontation and debate. 

"The certainty that God is always near us, present is all parts of His world, closer to us than our thoughts, should maintain us in a state in high moral happiness most of the time.  But not all the time.  It would be less than honest to promise every believer continual jubilee and less than realistic to expect it.  As a child may cry out in pain even when sheltered in its mother's arms, so a Christian may sometimes know what it is to suffer even in the conscious presence of God.  Though 'always rejoicing,' Paul admitted that he was sometimes sorrowful, and for our sakes Christ experienced strong crying and tears though He never left the bosom of the Father (John 1:18)."  (Chapter 14-God's Omnipresence)  Amen....