What Makes You Beautiful

Many years ago, I was a die-hard Backstreet Boys fan (just like many teenage girls were in my time).  Now, another boy band comes up with a song that I became obsessed with. 

One Direction- What Makes You Beautiful

Funny, such a song takes a girl's breath away because it reaches the core to tell me that someone does think I am beautiful.  I think that's why I get fed so easily to this song, especially as a single girl.  I have lots of friends around me to encourage me of who I am, but no one to truly look into my eyes and say "You are beautiful." 

I find myself easily falling into a lifestyle where I fill myself with songs like these.  My big reality hit was when I saw Les Miserables in theatres a little while ago and remembered the connection I made between myself and the character of Eponine. 

Her song "On My Own" had been my song for years and years, with continuous crushes I'd have and every time I would watch them love another girl the way I wanted to be loved.  My imagination ran wild with fantasies just like a little teenage girl would have in her loneliness. 

The last few years of my life had been amazing, and God had been wonderful to keep my heart guarded, but I didn't realize how much guarding I needed until I watched this movie again.  When I picture pornography, I instantly think of men satisfying their lusts of the flesh in ways not acceptable.  I realize that this is my "pornography."  Daydreaming of things not yet happening in my love life.  Listening to music that feeds this lust.  I am easy to do this, and it goes down a road of depression and self-pity of how unattractive I must be if no man is gazing upon me like other girls.  It's my biggest struggle, but also my biggest blessing.  I easily forget the blessing behind where I am now. 

Eponine's character still builds connection, but God is great to remind me of the Cosette that I am to him.  That he waits by the gate of my heart to gaze upon my face and tell me how beautiful I am. 

He's waiting by yours as well.  He has sought you out and wants to gaze upon the face that takes his breath away.  All you need to do is come out and let him sing love songs to you.  You don't have to be the girl on the side-lines anymore, waiting for it to be your turn.  It is your turn! 

Jesus has me all to himself right now, and he tells me everyday how beautiful I am.

From the falling snow that captivates me enough to lock myself out of my apartment to twilight that twinkles enough to tease me before the stars appear...

From the hug of a dear friend to the sound of birds coming at the first of spring...

From the pains he holds me through to the joys and surprises of life that he loves to reveal to me... 

Even right now, there is a whisper of him reminding me of his love when I look out and see the purity of white snow sitting beneath a soft blue sky.  Winter never looked so pretty until I heard those whispers.  And to think, I'd been so concerned of my self-pity that I couldn't hear him draw me close into the beauty that no one could show me but him. 

It's easy to draw away, but patiently he sits by the gate of my heart so he can tell me what makes me beautiful... 

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I love you all. 

25 Years-Birthday Reflection

To everyone that has already done so, thank you for the birthday wishes!  I really appreciate it, and would like to take a few moments in this post to reflect on my 24th year and the blessings I've had...

Over this last year, I look back and see so many tragic moments in my heart where I've struggled and fought with God over what in the world He wants me to do.  So many nights where I've been brought to tears because of uncertainty of direction and unanswered prayers...or so I thought...

God has blessed me beyond belief, and I am taken back at how He has answered the little prayers as well as the big ones.

I've prayed for boldness, and have seen God give me strength to stand out in public with my views and faith.  More than normal.

I've prayed for a revelation in my desires, and God opened a door to go back to school.

He has closed doors that I've wanted and shown me there are greater doors and blessings waiting for me.

I've prayed for many little things that God has answered by giving me less to admire the daily needs much more.  

That last one really amazes me.  I have had more peace this last month in not having as much for me...and seeing how God has given me exactly what I need every day.

I want to share an embarrassing but amazing revelation that happened recently to me...
Last Sunday it snowed.  It was so amazing and pretty, I was taken back by it.  So much, that I left my purse in my apartment and left everything in it.  I was stuck outside with no car keys, no apartment key, and no phone.  I will admit, I was a little stressed, but not to the point of tears (which has been my normal).  I found myself calmly finding a way to fix this, or at least get to the church and go from there.

My day had gone instantly from having it all planned out and taken care of, to living moment by moment.  I would think "Okay God, I'm hear right now, but I don't know how I'm going to get to the next thing after this...I'll just have to worry about it when it's time to.  I can't do anything about it now."

It was amazing.  As crazy as it was, it was so great to sit back and say "God, I don't know when and how I'll get in my home, but you do and I will be okay."  When I did get back in, I started to cry and thank God for the blessings I have in my friends and activities.

My heart has been humbled and broken down little by little to see my need for God over the stuff in my life.  It makes me wonder what God has in store for me this next year and the years to come...if He is preparing me to be satisfied with less and less, I do worry (at times it worries me) about where He is taking me, but I know my heart will continue to change for the purpose God has for me.

You are all a blessing to me, and I thank you so much for making this last year so amazing.  We serve such a great God who holds us in the palm of His hand, who knows us so personally, and who establishes our steps before us.

May you feel the peace that God has shown me, and find the contentment in where you are as God has reminded me very often (because I need to be frequently reminded).

I love you all.  God bless, and thanks again for a wonderful year! 

Preparing for Christmas

So, it has been over a month since my last post.  I feel pretty frustrated with that, but have been so preoccupied with other things in life that this was one of the last things I was thinking about...but it doesn't mean I didn't have anything to post about.

This month has been financially challenging, and my weakness falls a lot on budgeting and overcoming my selfish desires of the flesh with things that don't matter, and I neglect the financial planning on the things that do.  Normally, my response is "Well this is my dumb fault" (and it still is). 
However...there is a treasure I have found in not having my income all planned out this month.  A couple in fact.  Because I don't have the extra money I need this month, I have been "forced" to think creatively for Christmas presents this year.  I am making 95% of my Christmas presents this year for everyone. 

I pondered the difference between buying a gift for someone and making a gift for someone...our world today is so obsessed with buying the next best thing and packing our carts full with electronics and houseware.  Here is the typical individual's prep for Christmas shopping...

1) Take individual's Christmas list
2) Go to store to buy items
3) Take home to wrap
4) Hide or put under tree

Easy, quick, and sometimes (not always) effortless.  Here is what I've seen with most of my Christmas prep this year:

1) Ponder individual's character and passions
2) Go to store to buy supplies
3) Spend 2-4 hours (total) assembling and creating gift
4) Pray over the gift and individual
5) Wrap gift
6) Store it before giving it away

I noticed a difference.  In making my gifts, I have put more thought, time, and energy into that person than I would by walking in the stores to find what they were trying to tell me in their lists.  The time is more peaceful, less chaotic, and very rewarding when the gift is done.  I feel more of my heart is put into the gifts that are made than bought.  Yet somehow, we can be really quick to disregard those homemade gifts because we find no real use for those in our materialistic way of thinking. 

A while back, one of my grandmas had taken a white pillow case and embroydered along the edge "Katie Beth with the brown eyes"  (she always called me Katie Beth Bell)

At the time, I didn't think much of it.  Now I tear up when I think of this.  I wish I had that pillowcase still.  My grandma's hands weren't in the best condition back then, and the lettering wasn't exactly the straightest on this pillowcase, but the effort it took for her to put that stitching into that case, the time it took for her to do it...all that time she was thinking about my little brown eyes.  She was thinking and praying for me as she made that simple gift.  There was more love in that gift that year than there was in that new electronic toy I may have gotten. 

You can't put a price on that. 

This Christmas season has been a huge blessing to me, yet I fear that people that will receive my gifts will have the same reaction I did for my grandma.  I worry it won't be good enough...but as I pray over the gift, I pray that God will find a use for this in their lives.  That they may use it or look at it and remember His love for them and to grow more in love with Jesus.  

So, if you get a gift from me, I pray it is a blessing to you, because you have been a blessing to me.

To you all, I pray that you will not get caught up in the hussle and bussle of the stuff, but remember the true act of love that was shown to us...the sacrifice that was made by Jesus Christ, to leave perfection and live in imperfection.  To leave complete control to be completely helpless.  To leave the Creator to be among the created.  We are so quick to want to leave this place to be in perfection, and Jesus was willing to leave perfection to be with us.

This is the greatest sacrifice of all, and we tend to think past it because of the stuff that we get and the deadline to get it.  Don't forget this love my friends...your hearts will change, and this season will be all the more joyeous to you and your families.  

God bless, and again...I love you all.