Stepping Into the Storm

You arrive at home after a rough day.  You feel tired, worn, exhausted.  When you have a second to refocus your thoughts, you realize that it is only Monday, and you still have obligations that need to be fulfilled tonight.  You see that there are bills on your table that need to be paid, floors that need to be cleaned, and dishes that need to be done...you just don't know how you can do it.  Your whole world just seems to keep piling on itself...you can almost feel Satan bashing all your worries into your mind.  You have family concerns that frighten you, work problems that drain you, and relationships (or lack there of) that test you.  You close your eyes and are almost about to break out into tears.

...then you hear waves. 

You open your eyes, and you're on a boat alone.  The waves of your troubles are crashing into you, pushing you around inside your little modem of comfort.  The rain is pouring, and wind is roaring.  You begin to think to yourself "There is no way I can do this alone.  I am going to crash, I am going to drown, I am going to die." 

Then you see...ever so faintly...a man in the water.  He is unaffected by the waves and the rain.  You can still hear your individual concerns within those waves, but this man appears to disregard each wave that attempts to crash into him.  He stands and stares at you, and finally you hear him say "Come."

The voices in those waves become louder, making your very being shudder almost violently.  You continue to listen to those voices in the waves, and continue to pull yourself deeper into the boat to hide yourself from all that is around you.

Again, you hear the gentle tone in the word "Come."  As your being becomes aware of the source of that word, your focus draws away from the mockings of your struggles.  You stand tall in the midst of your storm, and stare at the face of Jesus.  Upon his face is one that would welcome even a child through winds of a hurricane.  You can feel the depth of His love through his gentle gaze into your soul.  You feel His compassion overwhelm you.  The storm still brews, and the waves are still thrashing. 

A third time, you hear Jesus tell you, "Come" as He raises His hands toward you, waiting for you to come and hold them.  As the thought crosses your mind to step out of the boat, the winds blow you over.  You stand again and see Jesus still waiting for you.  This time, you attempt to step out of the boat and stand on the water. 

You did it...but did not form a firm foundation on the water.  Suddenly a wave comes and thrashes you backwards into the boat.  You feel defeated, and curl up as the waves begin to thrash over you more violently.  The voices return within the waves, mocking you for not being strong enough.  Your spiritual being is crushed.  You almost give in to everything wearing you down, and jump overboard to escape it all. 

Then you hear a voice that almost caresses your inner being speak these words..."I Am.  I was, I still am, and I always will be.  Apart from me, you can't do anything.  With me, there is nothing you can't do."  His gaze is so welcoming and gentle to you.  Again, He says "Come."

This time, you step out of the boat and stand firm in the waves.  The wind roars, but you are unmoved.  Your glance is set straight on Jesus.  The volume of your worries begins to increase greatly, but you hear Jesus begin to speak softly and gently at the same time. 

"I will never leave you, nor forsake you." 
"My peace I give to you."
"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

You focus on these words as you continue to take your steps away from the boat.  Through the howls of the storm, you still manage to focus on these comforting words of Jesus, no matter how faint it may seem.  Closer and closer you get to Jesus, when finally you are face to face with Him.  You reach out and hold His hands as He pulls you closer.  He holds you in an embrace that could calm any storm.  

It's Not About Me...

From the words of Jesus through the Gospel of John:

8:31-32= "To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'"

14: 27= "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as a world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

15:4-6="Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing.  Why complain, why worry, why do I continue to bring myself into the mix of things?  Lately, I have failed miserably at this.  I keep doubting Jesus' amazing ability to pull me through anything He gives me.  Why do I doubt?  Why am I a Peter or a Thomas with little faith?  Jesus has brought me through times where I literally thought my heart was being ripped from my being.  I am going through another storm, but I still deny the God who called out to the storms and by His words alone calmed them.

Life is as life is...and I am sorry I get in the way of God's process.  I am the clay, and God is in the process of molding my life into something amazing!  Why should I get upset about this?  Why do I make it seem like I am a victim in God's amazing plan for my life?  I fail, but God always brings me back to Him. 

Yes, I should always bring my concerns up to prayer.  Alone I can do nothing, but through prayer I should make my requests made known to God.   

My challenge to myself and everyone else struggling with getting in the way of God's plan, step back.  Pray.  Ask for help.  Let God's calming words calm that storm inside of you.  Faith brought Peter on the water.  Faith brought salvation in your soul.  Strengthen your faith so that you too may allow yourself to completely let go, so God can fill you with the bread of life. 

Keep telling yourself, "It's not about me."  Because it really isn't.  Don't make yourself the victim.  If Jesus could keep lifting up God while leaving His own personal desires out of the mix like He did at the garden of Gethsemane, then shouldn't we be able to do the same...or at least try? 

Falling on My Knees for Your Help

I think that my activities and constant involvement in something is really wearing on me.  I find that all these things are piling up at once on me emotionally, and I am experiencing many different types of emotion all at once.  My mind and heart are being worn and torn by so many different things, and my head is being held high on all the blessings God has given me and will soon give me.  I honestly need a chance to break down, and tonight I had those few moments to just cry out in tears.  I had been crying "I love you Jesus, and I need your help right now" constantly it seems like, but I really needed to just let it all go.  I bawled to God, and listened to the following song tonight to really keep me on track with God.  It was a song that said just what I needed to say and do.

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all my needs
Jesus You're all
This heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my life
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

Constant prayer, constant perseverance, and constant direction toward God are greatly needed in order to keep me going.  I honestly feel like I am not longer running my own body, but that God is keeping me going like I am.  I don't know how much longer my body will need to do this, but I keep praying my spirit will just sore and my body will keep up.  I continue to take it all to prayer any chance I get, and know God hears every word I say.  As life falls into place and remains hectic, I pray I can just keep going and going as best as I can.  I have a wonderful community of friends in my area, and a few that are only a phone call away.  There is nothing that can stop me, not when Jesus is on my side.

Keep pushing, keep praying, and keep striving for the finish line.  Jesus is either running with you, or He will be at the finish line to celebrate your victory with you.

"Legacy" Nichole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such 'n such...it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon destroy

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Who is Jesus really for me?

So many times I start my prayers with "Dear Heavenly Father."  To me, God is my heavenly father.  He is the father figure in the trinity, and thus has been that spiritual guide and comfort to hold me when I can't cry to anyone else.

Matthew 6:9 starts the Lord's prayer, saying "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."
Psalm 7:1 states "O Lord my God, I take refuge in you..."
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Luke 18:17 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." 
Ephesians 5:1-2 "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Like a little girl running to her dad for support and peace, I run to the God Almighty to be that support in my life. 

Jesus has always been like my best friend.  The guy friend that I call anytime I want and share the deepest desires of my heart to.

Now, I must confess something here.  I am a woman that has struggled greatly with relationships...mostly being patient enough to get one.  So many friends of mine want to see places and go do things before they are "tied down."  I want to be "tied down."  I have so many awesome things that I can see outside of the Bible in this present age that I want to share with someone.  I want that man so bad, and when I think I've got a good one...I either have to wait excessively for him to take action or get heartbroken when another girl walks into his heart.  I have my eyes set, but my inner being is struggling....I am trying to lift this up continuously to God, telling him to just take my desires and tell me what I should be feeling.  My feelings have not changed, but my patience is drawing thin.

A wonderful spiritual woman advised me of a way to ease this need in my heart.  She instructed to change the way I look at Jesus.  Jesus was my best friend, but maybe I needed to take that next step with Him in my life.  Maybe Jesus should be that husband figure that I so desperately am searching for.  Maybe I should be searching in a way to not just know my friend better, but really learn about my role with Jesus as my husband.  This is my new goal, to hopefully better ease my life.

We as the Church are considered to be Jesus' bride. (Ephesians 5:22-33)  One part of this passage that I really enjoy is "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands."  This is an excellent reference for couples-to-wed,  but I also take this into my new look on Jesus.  I am part of the Church body as a believer, and I should be able to submit to Christ as my husband, or at least I would think so.

It is a new idea for me, but I feel that this is a constant void in my life that needs to be filled spiritually.  I understand that a man down here will not fill this to the capacity that Jesus can, so I will focus on that instead.  Then will God "give me the desires of my heart" (Psalm 37:4).

Paul states in his letter to the Philippians in chapter 4 verse 11 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."  I too need to learn to be content with the circumstances.  I pray so much that God will just take my life and let it be consecrated to thee.  (song reference)  Sometimes I still get in the way.

Even today during church worship, I found myself getting caught up in the little parts of the service that shouldn't be hindering my praise and glory to God...especially when He has truly provided an amazing opportunity for me to stay in the area I am in!  Why would I let myself get bogged down with things like guitar volume or technology...it kept my heart from screaming his praise.

Later, after the service ended, I heard an amazing testimony that took my heart for a loop!  A couple from the church, way before I got there, had shared a story of struggles, emotional pain, and spiritual suffering.  As I listened to this story of how this man was separated from his wife in prison, over false accusations, I was reminded of things that are greater than what I can do.  God worked in strange ways for them, ways that I couldn't even image going through myself.  My mess ups in worship meant nothing after that.  My personal conflict meant nothing...it was all about their life, their support, and their growing faith.

Sometimes God puts those people in our lives so we can take a step back and think outside our little box.  So much more is happening...if we aren't looking, what will we miss?  Tonight in young adult bible study, a question was raised about Matthew 13:58 "And he [Jesus] did not do many miracles there [his hometown] because of their lack of faith."  I took this one way, and was told another way...Jesus works in ways that are to help us grow.  He performs the miracles so that everyone's faith may expand, not to put on a show.  He also kept some amazing work from these people because of their lack of faith.  They missed out because of their inability to look beyond themselves at who Jesus really was.  Will we do the same?

To wrap this all up, Jesus performed great things in lives to change them for the glory of His kingdom.  Who wouldn't want a guy like this as a husband?  I strive to find a man down here on earth that can match up to Jesus in these ways: that he will continue to seek God out in the deepest of his suffering (Luke 22:39-44), that he will love me and be willing to nourish me spiritually (John 6:32-33 and Ephesians 5:25-27), he will forgive me for my past sins and compromises (John 8:1-11), grow with me spiritually (Philippians 1:9-10), and promise to never leave me (Hebrews 13:5). 

That day will come for me to find my "Mr. Wonderful" on earth, but to fill my void right now, Jesus is that Mr. Wonderful.  I will begin my deep and intimate relationship with Jesus in this sense.  Maybe then my earthly husband figure will be revealed to me more clearly. 

Attempt

Greetings fellow bloggers!  This is my first time ever blogging.  At first I looked at it thinking "Wow...why would I post my life to the whole world for them to see.  If they want to know about me, they can just ask." 

Then I thought, I have such great things I want to share with everyone!  It can be anything from musical lyrics that really speak to me, a Bible passage that I want to share, or a blessing in my life that I really want to address. 

All in all, I really just want to share God's love with everyone.  I enjoy watching God's plan map out when I fall into full submission with Him.  For everyone else that really enjoys sitting back and watching God's plan unfold, you may follow as you wish. 

I will keep you all posted as I feel moved to do so.  =)