Thursday, May 31, 2012

Hidden Blessings

I hate watching people suffer and not being able to help them.  I hate doing my best, and it's not good enough.  I hate that feeling...I hate feeling like a failure. 

At work recently, I have had 3 cases, 3 different people whom I have felt this way towards.  For one lady, it was out of pure confusion and I just couldn't help redirect her back to reality.  She was so set on her ways, and I wasn't able to help. 

Another lady I've known a while, and have seen her to be this peppy, spunky, brilliant woman.  Now, her disease has brought her to become this bed-bound, cynical, bitter, dirty mouth that won't accept anything from anyone.  On occasion, this woman has called out everything I do for her as "bull shit" and sends me out of the room in a hurry.  I want to help her, I want to bring her peace and a joyful spirit...but I can't, and I hate it!

One more individual I work with was just told of a chronic disease that no one can do anything about...and we just have to wait it out before his life is taken from it.  This man is no doubt, one of my favorites.  He is very independent and pleasant, but can have an attitude and temper like none other.  He gives me a good laugh, and always has amazing stories to tell about where he's been. 

Today, I sat with the latter two of these people.  The lady's husband was here visiting, and I only prayed that he saw his wife in that cynical mess somewhere...he sat by her bed this afternoon, and their family told me that he is just at peace to see her and be with her.  (God, please bless me with a man that will sit by my bed-side even when my mind has gone)

My other gentleman with the chronic disease came out to all my activities today, and after BINGO I sat briefly with him and asked how he was doing...he started to cry.  I gave the man a hug...and almost started crying myself...because I couldn't help him.  I couldn't do anything to save him...I had been in this mind-set all day, and it was getting to my interactions with my co-workers.  This inability to help...this failure...was soaking into my attitude and lifestyle that others were seeing.  Mel was concerned, and I swallowed pride and filled her in. 

One song had been my prayer for a while..."Make Me a Blessing"  Now, another song entered into my heart again that I needed to meditate on: "Count Your Blessings" 

Obviously, this is something I struggle with..not being good enough and failure.  God shook me and made me realize the little blessings in each day that I wasn't seeing because I was so absorbed on the failures. 

When I told Mel about my struggle, another co-worker who worked on floor-care overheard me.  She said "Well, I know one person's life you've really touched today..."  She proceeded to tell me how that one gentleman (with chronic disease) was so uplifted to be out in the activities earlier that day, and how he was telling all the other staff about it.  "I've never seen him get so excited and passionate about something like he did about the things you did with him today." 

Thank you God.  He is making me a blessing to someone, but instead of being burdened with a load of care, I should cast all cares unto God, because I know He cares for me and everyone I work with. 

I know I want to succeed, and I want to be all the best I can be, but I take heart in knowing that I don't have to be perfect...I don't have to try and pretend to be the best ever...to God, I'm good enough, and He will use me to do what He wants me to do...and I need to remind myself that it's not everything. 

I tend to overload myself, but I truly want to be a blessing to someone today.  I want to pray for others to be blessed, and then ask God how I can do it.  I have been given so many gifts and opportunities...how can I use them to help others? 

I am single, young, healthy, and free.  So many people don't have all of this...they don't have the time that I do because I'm single (I need to keep telling myself that this is a good thing for now).  They don't have their health or their youth anymore...they are trapped and limited.  How can I help them?  I seek this out often...especially with people who aren't able to move around like they used to.  It never seems like much, but I really encourage you all to seek out an elderly individual who may just need the door held open, or needs an extra arm to carry a few things to their car.  It's such a blessing to them...be made a blessing today. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

God's Will

I said that I would wait until I finished my recent reading to blog about it, but I really can't.  I feel that this hurdle was such a huge one for me to jump that I really need to share this with everyone (there goes Kat's passion again...watch out world!) 

I want to tell you all what God's will for your life is.  Yes, I know what it is.  And guess what...it has everything to do with where you will work, where you will live, and yes...even who you will marry.  Trust me, this is huge. 

I will give you four points explaining God's will for us. 
1) That we live holy, set-apart lives  (I Thess. 4:3)
2) That we always rejoice, pray, and give thanks (I Thess. 5:16-18)
3) That we are to bear fruit and know Him better (Col. 1:9-12)
4) That we are filled with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:17)

There you have it!  God's will.  

"But what does this have to do with your points above about who I will marry and where I should live?" 

Well I'm glad you asked!  It has nothing to do with those questions, but it has everything to do with it as well.  You see, God doesn't care about the details of our choices as much as He does about us as His children.  If you look up those verses, can you see that all those points are focused on us rather than the world?  God's will is reflective most in us, rather than where we are.  To quote my book, "God's will consists of living a sober life, living in the power of the Holy Spirit, and offering praise & gratitude to God for His goodness." 

There is no divine message needed.  God's will means "we bear fruit, grow in understanding of God, are strengthened with power unto patience, and joyfully give thanks to the Father."  It doesn't matter so much what I do, where I live, who I marry...as long as I am becoming more like Christ through everything I am doing.  If I choose to stay in Waverly IA all my life, I better do it to become holy.  If I marry a man around here, I better marry him to become more holy.  If I work at Western Home forever and ever, I better be doing it so I can become more holy.  The Father wants us to be like His Son.  So, I don't take this as I can do anything I want...but I feel that any choice I make has to reflect these aspects.  If not, it's not God's will. 

Because really, is little me going to ruin the master gameplan of our Creator?  Am I great enough to make a "wrong choice?"  Not at all!  My fear has held me back from making the "right" choices.  From loving my neighbor unconditionally.  From living my dreams while I am in my gift of singleness.  From taking a chance in life!  God will close doors, because I've seen Him do it quick. 

So friends, please pick up and read Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung.  It is a book I needed to read, and even if you think you've got God's will all figured out, you don't.  I don't...but I understand it much better than I did before. 

The big question I reflect on is toward my single friends...especially you guys out there.  We want "the right girl" or "the right guy."  Some of you are waiting for that magic feeling that says "That's her."  You may not get it...or worse yet...you do and you talk yourself out of it.  Guys, you're the ones we want to lead us closer to Christ.  You're the ones we want to stand under and support.  At least for me now, I want my man to take the first step because if I do, I'm pulling the reigns in the relationship.  We really want you to.  You gotta take a chance...please. 

I long for everyone to feel deep intimate love that will last.  No divorce, no more affairs, no more prostitution.  What man and woman should be should reflect Christ and us...

So guys, Christ pursued us.  Christ did not sit back, he gave up everything for us.  He wasn't held back.  He wasn't afraid.  He didn't hesitate.  He trusted His Father.  We are waiting for strong and brave men to pursue us.  If you are waiting for a "feeling" or because of a "feeling," stop it.  I don't want a boy...I want a man of God.  If you see a girl that you can see yourself being more holy with, what is holding you back?   God's will includes your continuous change to be more like Christ.  If you see a woman before you to fulfill this will, GO FOR IT!  What is so wrong about that?  Sorry for my urgency, but I really want you all to be blessed...not just myself.  If fear or uncertainty is holding you back...please shake it.  For your own blessings to come...shake it men.  If this wakes up my husband, then so be it.  If not, that's okay too.  If it wakes up someone, then I will feel blessed to have been used in that manner. 

"He's calling you, please answer.  He's pulling you, please move.  Jesus wants you to take this chance.  I know you'll be great at what He calls you to do."  -from "He's Calling You" by Me.

"Until that day, until you're heart can see that you and I were planned to be...here I'll wait.  Here I'll wait, for you."   -from "Here I Wait" by Me.

I love you all. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Too Cautious about Immorals...Time to Change

Last night I took an exciting 3-hour trip home.  Well, cruising through Iowa on Hwy 20 isn't exactly "exciting," but I have learned to look forward to these trips because this is a for sure time I get to myself with God.  Recently, God has really been opening my eyes to a chain that I've put on me.  I didn't realize this chain was part of me until recently, and I am thankful God took it off now and opened my eyes to this huge issue tying me down.

There is a book I am halfway through right now, and I would most likely speak more in depth about this book when I am done, but the base of this is that I have been relying on God too much for immoral decisions in my life.  By immoral, I mean things that God wouldn't consider as important as those things He has plainly commanded me to do.

For example, if I sit back and ask God to tell me to either go to Wal-Mart of Hy-Vee for groceries.  Or to pursue what major in my life.  The author even dared to put "who I will marry" into this category.  The argument in summary says that what God commands us to do fully is shared in His Word, and the choices we make down here can not possibly mess up His Sovereign rule and reign.  He calls us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind...and also to love our neighbors.  God gives us desires and pursuits, and in His Sovereignty He will call us to places...but not every choice we make is going to make or break God's will as long as we are pursuing those main commandments in our lives.

My flaw, is that I've wanted God to make all my choices.  Everything I do, I needed to know where to go, and I wanted to wait for a verse to point me somewhere, or a sign of some kind from people around me.  Truth is, I make the choices.  It's my life, and God's desires in me and wisdom planted in me will help me make the right choices.  God doesn't need to tell me every single time what to do.  Sometimes God will make it very clear to me.  I am not saying He doesn't, because He has numerous times through His scripture.  He also does indirectly through who He made me to be.  He gave me a brain and a will to make choices.  I can't mess Him up, and me being super cautious has given off that impression.  It has held me back from really fulfilling the commandments He has set straight before me.  In everything I do, I should acknowledge Him and pray for open and closed doors, but how do I know what's open and closed if I don't make the choice to try?  It doesn't matter what I am doing...God can use anything to accomplish His will.  Now, in the quietness of my heart, I do feel God tugging and pulling me in different directions...but I reflect on those and they all revolve around specifically loving others...not how I will do it, but that I just do it with what I am able to do. 

God knows my plans ahead of time (Jeremiah 29:11), he created me and knows me fully (Psalm 139), He has my future all planned out so I don't have to worry (Matthew 6:34), He grants me my desires to fulfill His commandments (Psalm 37:4), He wants me to be part of an amazing adventure (Matthew 4:19, Song of Songs 2:10), he gave me gifts, money, talents...and did not give it to me just so I can bury it (Matthew 25:14-30), His love rests on those who keep His commandments (John 14:21), I don't have to worry when everything in this world has already been overcome (John 16:33).      

Recently, I am looking at Nehemiah.  What I see with Him is that he did not ask the Lord "is rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem okay?  Should I do this?"  Instead, he just did it!  He knew it was right, God didn't have to tell Him.  Nehemiah prayed and acknowledged the Lord in this choice.   Chapter 4 verses 4-5, the prayer is focused on God's intervention, not his own.  Verse 9, they prayed and acted.  God made a way, and He gave them boldness, but Nehemiah made the choice.  I need to make the choice and trust that God will provide the rest of it. 

In saying all this, there is a huge problem in our world today that breaks my heart, and it destroys the beautiful design that God had originally created in his beloved daughters: sex trafficking.  This can be a separate blog post in itself, but I want to touch on this by sharing a link, a movie, and a dream.

http://nefariousdocumentary.com/  -Nefarious: Merchant of Souls 

A friend of mine prayed "God, it's not what one person can do, but what you can do through that one person."  We were challenged to help in three ways: prayer, awareness, and giving.  Right now I feel a desire and see a way to provide in all three ways, and I am going to make the choice to make that happen.  It is in obedience to God's commandments.  I will not limit God's ability to reach out through me.  Alone I can do nothing, but God can do amazing things through me and my choices if I believe God is able...and I know God is more than able.   

To close, I will leave you with Peter's second letter, starting at chapter 1 verse 3-11.

To God be the glory, now and forever.  Fight the good fight of faith, and continue to break your chains that are holding you back from seeing God's divine intervention.  He has given you everything you need.  How is God able to use you with those things? 

Confirming One’s Calling and Election

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters,[a] make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 I love you all. 


Thursday, May 3, 2012

John 11 & Christmas in May

I want to share two pieces of inspiration I got last night and today.

While walking last night, God reminded me of the story of Lazarus (John 11).  I pondered on the phrase that Jesus faced when he arrived on the scene "If you were here, my brother would not have died."  If Jesus had arrived at the "right time" the tragedy wouldn't have happened.  If Jesus would have come sooner, Lazarus would not be laying in a tomb.  He'd be talking and laughing with his sisters.  If Jesus would only do what we want right now, our lives would be so much better.

This is what Jesus was told through that statement, and it was out of hysteria that Mary and Martha posed this to him.  They were emotional, and very upset at the loss of their brother.  They had faith that Jesus was able to save their brother, but that faith turned to try to meet their needs when they felt it was supposed to occur.  They almost seemed disappointed in Jesus for not coming soon enough.  

The base of this story, Lazarus needed to die for God to be fully glorified.  Yeah, it would have been cool for Jesus to come at "the right time" and heal Lazarus like Mary and Martha wanted/expected Jesus to do.  But, how much COOLER is it for a dead guy to walk out of the tomb fully alive??  Mary and Martha didn't see this at the time.

So often, we are caught thinking what we want and being bitter when that doesn't happen that way.  Some of us are still weeping...and Jesus weeps with us.  But in his right timing, we will see the glory in our disappointments...notice I didn't say Jesus' disappointments. 

Jesus never disappoints.  If we feel disappointed by Jesus, it's because something is not right with us.  We need to change our perspective if this emotional response happens often inside of us.


Now, today at work, I sat with the residents for a hymn sing, and one lady recommended "Silent Night."  Now, you can all sit and say "Oh silly elderly lady, she's confused."  But the next lady asked for a Christmas song, and the one after that.  The chaplain said "Some people celebrate Christmas in July, but we decided to celebrate Christmas in May."

And then I got to thinking...since when did songs like Silent Night become songs that were only appropriate to sing around Christmas?  We hear these songs one time a year, and it happens to be one of the most joyous occasions known to Christians everywhere.  Traditions and society make us hesitant to sing these songs outside of the expected time frame.  Shouldn't we celebrate the fact that our God wants to be that personal with us every day?

No, I won't bust out Christmas worship...but it made me really think about the barriers that my heart felt when that first song was called out.  I won't lie, I did think "Oh silly Eva, it's not Christmas time."  Now I feel ashamed.  It's not Christmas, but that shouldn't hold us back from celebrating what Christmas is about.

So have Christmas in May, June, July, October...March...anytime!  Celebrate all the good that God as done, and don't hesitate to sing about the glorious gift given during that time.  Traditions are good if they are heart-felt, but today I realized that society had inscribed on my heart that certain celebration is not appropriate at certain times...this is something we can and should celebrate every day!

If you are weeping about your expectations lying in a tomb, be prepared to watch Jesus make them walk again.  I pray that God would also show you the walls that you have built up between you and Him, and how those walls are hindering your worship and intimate time with Him.  We don't even realize it, and sometimes it takes a little old lady singing Christmas songs to open the eyes of your heart wider. 

I love you all.