Who Am I??

I was convinced that I needed to not only rethink myself, but blog about why I had to.  Today was a day where I was torn mostly with events that were distracting and discouraging me from my walk with God.  I felt the evil one really try to bring me away from my woman's Bible study tonight, and emotionally I was struggling to find myself at peace in the study.  These are one of those moments where I needed to pray for the desire to desire God. 

Because of this praying and God taking my heart back after I tried so hard to give it back to Him, I had heard a couple really impacting moments during the study...both revolved around the questions "Who am I??" 

1)  II Samuel 7:1-3 explains how David wants to make a house for the ark (presence of God) rather than it stay in a tent.  4-11 say how God had other plans...in fact He wanted to establish a house for David and his family. 

David's response?  Verse 18-"'Who am I??'"  "Who am I, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 
Is that how you deal with man?  Is that what you do God?  Bless us?  Bringing us this far?  Have you had many this far moments, where all you can say is "God, oh God how did you bring me this far??  I couldn't get this far on my own!"  Who are we to be blessed by God bringing us this far, and establishing us in His divine home and purpose on earth?? 

2)  II Samuel 6:1-10 explains how David was bringing the ark back to its place in Israel.  It started to slip and pump around on the trip, so Uzzah reached out and touched the ark to keep it steady.  God's anger struck down and killed Uzzah instantly because of his "irreverent act." 
David was furious against God.  "How could you kill him?  That was uncalled for!"  This anger turned to fear, and David could not bring the presence of God into his city. 

This act of God wasn't what David expected to have happen while he was bringing the presence of God back home.  David really thought he was doing the right thing...but God totally acted out of turn!  God shouldn't have killed Uzzah...he was just trying to steady the ark! 

Let me tell you...nothing throws us more for a loop than when God does not behave like we want Him to.  Honestly....like He needs to behave and obey our prayers to Him.  He can, and promises He will...but when God doesn't "follow the rules" we set up for our lives, we are devastated.  We blame God for not doing it right.  It makes sense for us...why didn't God get it right?? 

And friends, we can't move on unless we get passed this devastation.  We need to move past the disappointment and anger toward God and conquer the fear.  We need to get close to God again and seek Him.  Learn from it...and move on. 

Ask God for forgiveness for the times where you've commanded Him to obey our demands for self gain.  Forgive yourself.  God is able to do everything we ask...but He can still say no.  Or, He will do it another way that takes WAY longer than if He just did it our way.  His way is best.  Acknowledge it and step back from our ways.  Cause really, who are we to command the King of kings, who knows the beginning and the end...to fulfill our selfish desires?  We are privileged to just talk to Him!

Step down...ask with the purpose of furthering God's kingdom on earth...don't doubt His abilities, but don't get bossy with our Heavenly Father either.