My heart has been struggling and struggling and fighting over and over again with myself and my own desires that I can't point whether they are of an evil or good source...I have hopes that continue to sit inside me, some that I haven't seen much of anything with...and because of that it makes my heart so sick and weary.
Numerous times, I hear Wait my child. And wait I do...but it isn't easy.
I was finally able to express myself better through a song that came to me a couple nights ago...so I want to post the lyrics of that song here. I have also made the realization of the depth of the hope I have is in the fact that I am not home yet...the real hope that is deferred is the fact that I am still sitting in this world full of sin, deceit, and heartache. I realize more and more about how homesick I really am, but I find great joy in reading how much my God wants me and how the real revelation is that He wants to show me my perfection through Christ. It has nothing to do with events down here, but the final perfection I have with Him in His glorious presence.
I could not see this before...my heart was so engrossed on the fact that my hopes would bring about good things down here...desires that could be met now...now I am not saying that some of my desires are bad. I see how we, being in God's image and likeness, mirror His desires. He says he gives us our desires (Psalm 37:4) I look at how the Garden of Eden was before man was tempted. I see how those desires are in fact a beauty in God's eyes...however, those desires don't compare with my promised perfection.
So let us not set our minds on what is down here, pursuing things of this world that will only fade away. Let us strive to not seek anything or desire anything more than seeing Jesus face to face. It is a constant struggle, and I realize that looking deeper into my struggles on the surface, they all reflect this agony that I really want to be in perfection with Jesus.
Set your mind on things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
(Colossians 3:2)
...let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him...
(Hebrews 10:22)
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
(Psalm 23:6)
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
(I Cor. 13:7)
Do not act like the other nations, who try to read their future in the stars.
(Jeremiah 10:2)
Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.
(I John 3:2-3)
I'm running around again
Rearranging the list inside my head
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
It's hard to say no
I really want to have control
But I know it's not my call
I'm giving in...over and over saying
You are God
Only God, your love can make me whole
Because you are God
Holy God, your Son has saved my soul
And made me your own
Tossing in my bed
With a heart full of dread
I just can't seem to ever get over this
It haunts me every night
And I want to make it right
Remind me it's not my call
I need to give in...over and over saying
You are God
Only God, your love can make me whole
Because you are God
Holy God, your Son has saved my soul
And made me your own
I'm on my knees again in your Presence
Pouring out every ounce of pride that I have
I can't bear this on my own
I want you to call me Home
But I'll press on, saying
You are God
Only God, your love can make me whole
Because you are God
Holy God, your Son has saved my soul
And made me your own
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