My True Heart's Desire

You know those times when you think you know what's really happening before it happens?  You know, the way your thoughts process on how you think you really know what's going on around you?  We are all guilty of thinking we know what's best, and thinking we know exactly what is going on in our lives.  We turn tragedies into dramas, and make a scene if our thoughts don't line up with what actually happens.  

This is life.

This is a Christian life.

We complain, yell, kick, scream, cry, back off, close up.  "I thought I knew what was going on, why didn't it happen the way I perceived it?"  or "I thought I was following the story...why did it turn on me?" 

Friends, this is my life now.  In my journey of fully letting myself go, this itself is evident to me that I have a long way to go.  I have given God everything else about me, my financial support, my destination, my living arrangements, my friends, my opportunities, my way of worship...but I haven't fully given Him, me. 

Let me picture it this way for you...imagine if you will a young daughter looking over her father's shoulders as he works on a project for her.  As he works, she peeks over and tells him what to do next.  She thinks she knows exactly how this will turn out, and is disappointed to see that it's not the same way she thought.  I was that girl, trying to look over God's shoulder.  I tried to figure out the end result, before it actually happened.  I had let God work on it, but I hadn't given Him my full trust.  I kept peeking, interpreting, solving, and concluding before the conclusion hit. 

Was I disappointed?  Yes....but I got over it.  You know why? 

Because it's not my life anymore.  When I accepted Christ, my control was gone.  My heart isn't my own to give away.  It's His.  I have to let Him take, walk away, and let it happen. 

No more peeking.  No more solving or jumping to conclusions.  Everything happens for a reason, and even though my ending didn't happen...God's did.  My patience grew DRASTICALLY.  My submission had never been so vivid and apparent.  I looked past my own desires for others, and gradually let God take more and more of me through this...but I peeked enough ahead of time to interpret the wrong conclusion.  It was a lesson in me that needed to happen.  My heart is in good hands...in fact it couldn't be in better hands.  What gives me the right to think I know what is better for me than God alone?  Nothing, that's what. 

Heavenly Father, thank you for kicking me in my butt again.  Thank you for friends that are so solid in you, that they can hear what I can't.  Thank you for letting me give more and more of me away during this process.  Thank you for revealing to me what needed to be revealed.  May your will happen for my life, without me peeking ahead.  Please God, give me a calm spirit to hear you among all else, and be strong enough to tell myself to do it.  God you do so much for me, and you continue to do so.  May my life be nothing to me, and everything to you.  I can see my heart isn't ready to give away, as you continue to hold it and mold it.  Do what you want, and let me be willing to sit in the corner, be patient, and wait for you to call me over so I can be in awe at what you've made for me.  Let this be my true heart's desire now, and forever. 

I love you Jesus.  Amen.