Today had been a very rewarding day for me, as well as a very trying day. I was able to share my testimony at Grace this morning, which was really awesome....I had made myself numerous notes of what I wanted to say, but didn't look once at it during my quick talk. The Spirit put on my heart what was important to share, and I felt it take over. I am so thankful for that.
I also felt the Spirit move through the music this morning too, and really had a moment of assurance for how circumstances turned out in my life. However, shortly after this I really felt Satan attacking me on my weaknesses again, dragging me down. When I am of calm spirit, I can hear God's guidance and peace in my heart. This afternoon I couldn't, and I was letting Satan really tear my heart apart. I was giving in, and really needed to cry out to Jesus.
I pulled out chords for the song "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North, and sang it at the top of my lungs on my electric as if crying to Jesus. I don't know how many times I went through that song, but I needed to keep singing it until I could really feel God's hold on my heart again.
Tonight, I went with some pretty spunky girls to see Awaken in Lake Mills. The garden scene used this same song I just talked about....only it held a much more powerful meaning.
How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through.
I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?
Jesus, cried this to His Father. Our mighty and merciful savior...our king of king and lord of lords...cried these words. His time of torture was around the corner, and the pain was overbearing to the Son of the Creator. Think about that.
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
I always grow a deep passion to understand just what Jesus had to go through for us. I am always in awe at the level of love He has....and the level of pain He went through to have us. Jesus needed His Heavenly Father more than ever...so I don't feel ashamed to sit and cry to Jesus (If You're everything You say You are, would You come close and hold my heart?). My little problems don't feel too big when I keep thinking about what Jesus went through at the garden and his crucifixion. It keeps me in perspective on my life, and reminds me that if Jesus can keep looking up in all of that, I can surely try.
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why
I give my heart to Jesus, but I want to keep grabbing it back....I argue with God about what's best for me still. Jesus did, but He ended each argument with "but your will be done" (But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why). I will take my cross in exchange for my heart. Is that such a fair trade?? I gave away my deepest treasure within me....for suffering?
Oh my friends...you have no idea. My heart is in the hands of the greatest artist ever known! The greatest romantic I will ever know...the one who sacrificed EVERYTHING to have me...I think my heart is safe. I can suffer a little so that my heart can stay safe and constantly purified. I can cry to the holder of my heart with tears streaming down, and He will embrace me every time.
Will you let Jesus hold your heart? Trust me....it couldn't be in better hands.
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