Even though this weekend wasn't one of great rest for me, it was a weekend that I truly had a good time with! Friday night I got together with a friend from college and had dinner and a movie. Such a good chance to catch up and just have a good time!
I ended up working at the Western Home Saturday until 3:30, which was amazing. My first activity that day was in the morning, and a lady was having a huge panic/dementia moment where she didn't know where she was and accusing the staff of keeping her family from seeing her. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled to have her come in. Sure enough, I saw her there. I went up to say hi and asked how she was. She was calm, but very stern in her ways. I asked if she wanted to do the activity and she told me "No. And I don't want you to sit by me, so get the hell away from me." I politely got up and sat with the rest of the group, leaving her slightly out of the circle but still able to join in when/if she wanted.
We did a creative story writing activity (Mad Libs) and they had a BLAST! This lady was even laughing after she swore at me moments before...I was floored. Moments like this happen at least once a day, where I KNOW it wasn't me sitting in that room with the residents. It is so cool to be part of God's wonderful plan in making their lives worth living.
I ended up working Duos later that night, which was pretty slow to say the least. I had a few friends come in and hang out, and I heard about their mission trip weekend. I wish I could have gone, but I realize that I see little glimpses of this in my residents every day. It was good for the youth to see such a HUGE example of service and meekness in an individual whose life was pretty much down to nothing. Praise God for reality checks!
That night after I got off, a friend and I made a random and very impromptu run to Perkins, which was well needed! I hadn't gone out late like that for a while...plus it was a great chance for me to really get to have some girl time (which I was not really used to having).
Sunday, there was church...and I had found myself really pondering Pastor Jim's message on Mark 10. In here, Jesus talks to a very wealthy man who was honestly seeking to follow Jesus. However, he had to give up the one thing that was keeping his heart from fully trusting in God...his riches. The man walked away crushed, because he wasn't sure if he was willing to give THAT away.
What is on my heart that keeps me from really following Jesus? What parts of my life are keeping me from trusting in God? Do I have certain things/people that are keeping my worship away from Jesus? Are my motives being twisted to impress, or do I really...truly worship God? What haven't I given up yet?
Jim asked the question, "What is your greatest treasure?" I want it to be God...but is it that way 100%? I know that's not true no matter how much I am trying and praying for this to be the case. I know I need to "make the treasures in Heaven my greatest possession."
My heart is wicked, and only God can prepare me for His plan that He has already mapped for me. He is just turning me into the right person for this plan. "Change my heart, O God."
Now, in verse 28 of Chapter 10...I found myself relating to the disciples. Peter says, "We have left everything to follow you!" Here, they are saying "Look at us! We have done what you are saying!" I almost get a sense of pride out of this saying. "Look Jesus! We are good! We are just! We left our homes to follow you! We're doing everything!"
I catch myself saying this to God a lot... "I have given you my job, my future, my worries, my present, even my desires!" Sometimes the motive of pride rubs in there... "I am so godly and good! I am so close to you right now because I am doing everything right!"
Verses 29-31 pretty much says "No you haven't...it's not about the giving and sacrificing...it's how you do it." Did I give it up to impress people? Did I give it up because I know the goods things that will come? Jesus does say to seek the rewards of Heaven. Maybe I do. I know though, that by following God I receive an inner feeling of peace. I become more sensitive to those little feelings inside me that push me different directions in my daily life. I become more sensitive to the burdening feeling of Satan attacking me. I even became more sensitive to this happening in others. I can't be proud of this...I should embrace it in humble spirit because of God's endless mercy. All in all...the message today really just let me have a reality check on my life and my attitudes in my spiritual journey.
After church, I had my first Dungeon and Dragon session...which was amazing. I had a good time hanging with some guys in my church and being geeky! I also loved playing a character that I pretty much dreamed of. We will do it again next Sunday, which is awesome because we left the game in a spot where I was on the front edge of my seat.
After that, I ended up missing young adult group to go out and have some girl time for a friend's birthday. We went out to Red Lobster, which was SO good! My goodness...how awesome was this weekend! I am so thankful that God has given me such a wonderful group of people to hang out with! I get my girl fix, PLUS my nerdy geeky fix now with DnD!! How much more affirmation do I need from God to show that I belong here right now?
I know things this weekend for me had really clicked into place, and I began a little booklet that has all the verses that hold a specific purpose in my heart. There are times where I just need to have a set of verses one after the other for me to look at, so I am keeping a book that stays in my purse for those times where Satan is really kicking my butt. One saying that I found has really brought my conflicts into perspective...and now it stays on the front dash of my car. "Having a successful marriage isn't about finding the right person...it's about becoming the right person." This saying brought a sudden peace to my soul when I read it. I had known this and told myself this for so long...but this wording of the idea was what I needed. You tell yourself things like "I need to wait, and I know I need to wait. I have to worry about myself." In all honesty, this saying is how I should think about it. I won't find the right person, if I can't be the right person.
So God, help me to be a person spoken of in I Timothy 6:11..."Be thou, o man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and meekness." Then I will know how I can be the right person for your wonderful plan for my life. Help me to be less proud of myself, and more proud of you for making me the way I am. Help me to keep looking to you for me...and no one else. Help me to really give you everything willingly, because I know what you can do! I can do this at work, and I can do this financially...but there are parts of me that I still hold on to, or give up and snatch back. Take it all. Jesus Christ, take all of me. I am yours anyway, so just take me! You claimed me when I accepted you, let me be your child 110% of the time.
Should this be your prayer? In the midst of your fun, remember that God is still working and teaching you. I had a full weekend, but found God speaking to me during many moments of it. Keep listening. Paul says to the Philippians in chapter 4 verse 9, "Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you."
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