For the past few months, I've been part of a mime called "The Great Saga." It's an Easter passion mime based on the life and purpose of Jesus' life down here on earth. This year, my director focused a lot on how God Reigns...and this year He surely did.
We have had numerous distractions ranging from personal injuries, emotional burdens, and family crisis. NOTHING got in the way. God reigned in the performances and He used our bodies despite the distractions. That's only a glimpse of how good our God is...that's nothing compared to what He actually endured for us. We tried to show it.
Isaiah 53:5 says "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."
Many times we feel that Jesus died for us...well, He did die to save us...but Jesus died because His Father wanted Him too. Yes, Jesus loves us, but John 17 shows where Jesus heart really was. Where Jesus needed to look in order to withstand the cross and our sins. Jesus is our bridegroom...but this is the fine line of the Trinity that we won't ever grasp. Because God and Jesus are one, He loves us just as much as God the Father does...but His focus was not fully on that. God loved us, and sent His son to save us. The Son obeyed the Father's commands, but His purpose was not to love us...that was the Father's desires. It's hard...my mind and heart are at peace, with this, but that doesn't mean I fully understand it. It just means I've submitted to letting that piece of the puzzle go. Either way, I am GREATLY loved!
In the mime, I played a bad dude. Simple right? I was pretty stoked. I was good last year, and the scene that always struck me hard was when I played the adulterous woman. It hit home...it showed that my past didn't define me. That Jesus reached out to those people. He did not come to heal the healthy, but the sick. (Matt. 9:12)
This year, there were three roles that God really took me and dropped me into hardcore, both emotionally and physically. At the beginning, I played a girl who was insecure about herself (sound familiar? pretty common). I have struggled with this...how many girls don't at some point? It's tough to deal with and get over. Thankfully, I have been stronger and more pleased in the woman God has made me to be...and I try to give Him the credit so I don't sink into vanity. I still have my moments, but others around me are quick to rebuke me. Thanks guys. I know I'm beautiful.
Either way, Wednesday night, I got a dream that crushed me...but also made this character come alive more inside me. I dreamed that something I was promised was taken away and given to someone else...to the girl who was in the beginning scene with me. At first, I was haunted by this. Then a good friend reminded me that I was feeling jealousy, and this jealousy is a glimpse of how God feels when we stray to other idols. Knowing this, I took that and asked God to make this dream, this fear, a reality for His glory. And He did. The last two scenes happened, and God put me back in my dream. I was that girl who wasn't as pretty, as attractive...because I "didn't get who I wanted," this other girl before me did. And I hurt. I hurt more than I did before. And it worked for God's glory.
As a bad dude, I played a demon and a guard. I have to tell you..I don't feel that I am a very mean person...or manipulative person. It was HARD to find what this was like...but by last night's show, I have never felt so much hate and disgust in my heart. As an angel who rebelled, I heard whispers in my heart like "you were banished...you will never be in my glory again." And I was pissed. I would watch the creation scene, and when Adam and Eve were created, I heard "They are my beloved...not you." And that did it. I wanted them dead. I wanted to destroy God's unity with man. And when the Fall of Humanity happened, I did just that. I was a demon, and I hated both the humanity characters...pure hatred. It scared me at first, but now I have a better understanding of what those demons are like around us...how they lurk for us to make a mistake...to give them a foothold, then they dive and attack all over us...and push us around and tell us how worthless and weak we are for giving in. I understand this better now...
This same reaction happened with Jesus. For the garden scene, when Jesus is praying His last prayer, He reaches up and asks God for strength. My hatred and determination to make Jesus crumble was overwhelming, but when He overcame us, I was more pissed. When I turn from demon to guard, I am thinking "This is the way you want to be? You're going to get it." And I wanted Him to SUFFER. As a guard, my heart felt no compassion, no love, no mercy. I wanted to kill Jesus so bad...I have never felt such hatred inside me. It was tough to grasp, but when I got it I wanted more. I wanted to show more. This feeling didn't stay. I love my Savior. I really do...and last night I reflected in more depth what all Jesus did, and the role I played in His crucifixion...and I cried. I cried and sobbed last night when I got alone. I hurt...because I felt a portion of what it was like to kill the beautiful Son of God.
Thankfully, He didn't stay dead. That's what this season is all about! How our Jesus conquered death! How Satan's grasp on us is broken! But...He didn't do it right away. He didn't die on the cross and instantly rise.
Jesus waited three days. Remember how he foretold all these things to His disciples? Sometimes Jesus does that with us too...He makes promises...some specific and some not so specific, but He promises to fulfill them in His timing. Three days may have seemed like an eternity for the disciples....but Jesus kept His promise.
It may take longer than three days, but if God reveals a promise to you, you can believe He will make it happen! Praise God for His fulfilled promise of raising from the dead! If you are still in the waiting period, in the mourning period, just you wait and see. It's going to be glorious when God fulfills His promises to you. Even when all hope is gone...God will be glorified. If Jesus can raise himself from the dead...he will fulfill your needs and his promises to you. There is nothing our God can't do!
As we sit in the waiting period, praise Him for the works that He will fulfill, and the one that He already has...our eternal salvation.
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