The vision:
I'm laying on a hospital bed in a room with IV needles injected into me. I hurt, I ache, the pain at first seemed overbearing. I lay there receiving my treatment.
God speaks from beside me, "This hurts doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it sure does."
"But you know you need to go through this to get better."
"Yes, I believe that. I don't know how long it will take, nor do I know what will come of this...but I know it will make me better."
"I will be right here beside you the whole way."
"I know. I can make it through this knowing that."
"I love you Kat...this is for my ultimate good."
Recently, I had held to a promise for some time now. I believed (at the time) that my intentions had purified, my motives with this party had been under control, and I thanked God for allowing me to be living at peace in myself (mostly) while I believed what He was going to do.
In a whirlwind of emotions from losing a very dear friend at my nursing home, I was overcome with fear and confusion when I noticed a glimpse of my promise being shattered. I ran for assistance immediately. And my assistance, I mean that I ran to a trusting source to tell me that this was happening and break me hard now so I could cry that night and get on with life the next day. My friends and parents were there instantly to console my heart through this tough time, but to my Mom this hardship was an answer to her prayer and I found delight in that despite my struggle.
Monday came, and a wave of comfort came through devotionals and coworkers and residents who had no idea what I was going through. I truly felt my vision constantly throughout the day, and it gave me the strength I needed to keep going and look past that promise I made for myself and hear God tell me a greater promise that I can't put into a box nor a face.
In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh that he prayed God to get rid of. God's answer was no. (This is hilarious, because in the past 2 days, I have had 3 devotionals and/or verses tell me this exact same thing) Through this thorn however, he was able to rely more dependently on God.
Yesterday, I held a memorial service for my residents because of all the deaths they've experienced in such a short time. In that service we talked about hardships and one man asked me "Why would God put you through such difficult times?"
I pondered that, and responded "I honestly can't tell you right now why God is putting you through the hardship and struggle you are going through now, but I can tell you reasons I've seen from hindsight in ways He has used hardships."
I proceeded to explain that we live in a sinful world. God can use our hardships to make us more dependent on Him. He can use hardships to help others overcome theirs. This man listened, and I knew the words of God were speaking through me because if there was a time when I was truly at my weakest emotionally, I saw Him make me my strongest emotionally for my residents.
In the last few days, God has overpowered VAST amounts of wisdom and opportunities to me...more than I can explain at the moment. As doors open and I am able to walk through them, I will post more.
In the mean time, my friends, take comfort in your hardships. God is sitting next to you encouraging you that this moment in your life is for His own good, even though we don't understand. Someday, you may. But trust Him, because God's ways are perfect and truly for our own good.
I love you all.
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