A Gospel Greeting

I have started to go through the book of Romans.  My mind is saying "Ok, here comes a crash course from Paul!" and my spirit goes "BRING IT ON" (Harold doesn't like me saying that very much in my prayers, so I've become more reserved with that)  =D

Paul starts his letters with a very sincere greeting.  Usually we read that and move on to the good stuff...but I stopped at verse 7:

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."

And that's where I sat for my devotional time.  Pondering those words.  Paul chose those words for a reason.  They weren't just cute words to be passed over.  Paul doesn't really say things just to say them (although he's very good at saying many things very fast and very loaded with truth!)

Let me give you a peak at what went through my head and show you my journal entry:

Paul's greeting alone points to the Gospel before he even talks about the Gospel! 

"Grace and peace"    ~~~from who? 
"God our Father and the LORD Jesus Christ." (emphasis added) 

My interpretation of what Paul just said, "Hey!  As you read this, I pray that you will receive grace and peace from God, only offered to those who see Him and have been adopted into his heavenly family so that you may call him FATHER and be assured of living eternally away from God's wrath.  I believe that God is my authority figure whom I look up to, and Jesus is the reigning Lord who is alive, fully conquering of sin and death, and is my hero."     

WOW that's a lot in just a "hello."  

Does my greeting alone show the Gospel?  

When we argue about Christmas cups, does it show the Gospel?

When we complain about standing in line for coffee, does it show the Gospel?

When we meet up with friends for lunch or a random visit, does it show the Gospel?

Are we drawing people into Christ, or pushing them away?

These are just some thoughts I had most recently.  Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may your greetings be filling with the Good News of Christ!

Letters to My Daughter

When I graduated High School (or college...honestly I can't remember which graduation is was) my Mom gave me a very special gift.  She wrote me a letter, expressing her thoughts and emotions of how proud she was of me.  What touched me the most was she wrote this letter way back when I was just a toddler, and these thoughts were of her looking forward and imagining the woman I would become and dreaming of where God would take me on my journey as I developed into the woman I am now.

When I was single, I filled out a journal that I gave to my husband when we got married.  I think I am going to take my Mother's idea and morph that into a journal (or series of letters) that I will one day give to my daughter.  I would like to one day, give my daughter the gift of my words and memories as I watch her grow up and express how proud I am of her.  

I won't blog all my thoughts about her, unless they encourage me in my walk toward God and allow me some sort of encouragement to all of you.  However, this morning as Harold and I read Psalms together, he prayed for our daughter in the fact that God would give her wisdom and use her to teach the adults around her.  God has already started answering that prayer within my heart, and I am excited to see how He answers that prayer and she continues to grow older.  

Dear Moyer Baby (real name will be inserted here), 

Hey baby girl, it's your Mom.  

You don't see me yet, but I know you hear me.  I'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop right now, in Waverly Iowa, waiting for your arrival at any time.  Your due date was two days ago.  You don't seem to be in a huge hurry to get out!  I'm glad you are content where you are.  You seem like it anyway with how little you fuss around in there.  Sometimes, your feet poke and press, but you never really hurt me.  You are very gentle to your Momma.  

I was told that when you are really moving around and can't calm down, that you could very well be crying in there.  I can't know for sure, but the thought of that makes me wish I could hold you more than just inside my womb.  Your Daddy wishes he could hold you too.  Don't get me wrong, it's precious to watch your Dad talk to you through my belly, but I long to see him talk to you face to face, and so does he.  

We pray for you a lot baby, and we pray for wisdom for our own lives when you arrive.  You are going to bring about such a huge change in our lives.  Did you know your Momma REALLY likes to keep busy?  She likes to move and work so much that if she collapses at the end of the day she is emotionally satisfied with how her day went.  Friday, May 1st, was my last day of working full time for pay, and now I fill my time with tasks and other misc. things that could be done before you arrive.  Your Momma has never done this before, and her life has never looked like this...where she will stay at home with you while Daddy goes to work and do his best to provide what we need.  

Did you know you have an amazing Daddy?   He likes to work too, and he is always looking for ways to provide for those he loves.  Your dad is going through a time right now where his work schedule is cut in half.  He only works every other week for a time being, but during those weeks where he isn't at work, God has provided other jobs for Harold to still make money for us.  I pray you see this as you grow up; your Dad has an amazing heart and a very honorable character.  He will do anything for you Baby, and he will do what he has to do for his family.  

We aren't perfect, but we will do our best to give you what you need.  You will not always agree with our choices, but I pray you will obey and respect us enough to trust us.  We don't have all the answers, but as you lean on us for support we are leaning on God at the same time for support.  Someday, you will lean on God on your own.  We pray that we can show you how as you watch us.  

I want to end this letter to you my dear, with your father's and my main prayer request for you.  

This is a verse that you will be taught very young.  It is probably the first verse any young child learns: 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.               ~~John 3:16

May you know the love of God and understand it young, Baby.  May you believe and see how much we need Jesus to make us better people.  And may you have the gift of eternal life and strive on your young journey the race that is set before you, running toward the writer and perfecter of our faith, Jesus.  

We look forward to meeting you, Baby, and we hope to see you soon.  

With much anticipated love,  

Daddy and Mommy

Our Glory

1 Timothy 2:11-15

Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.  For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

My pastor had used this passage to present a point during our Sunday School class this morning, and I personally felt very encouraged and agreeable to the viewpoint he suggested.  (remember, I am a woman, and I know lots of women read this and immediately shut off because they take drastic offense to those first two verses.  I think we forget the rest of this passage, which holds more weight in my opinion)  

My pastor was using this as an example of a way that we read and study the Bible.  This week, he presented on Custom vs Principle.
In a nutshell, from what I understood (and please, fellow Grace Baptist peers correct me if I am wrong), Custom was directed more toward culture and a certain point in time that we don't have to take as direct instruction for our lives today.  Principle is set at us directly and something that we should continue to follow in our lives today.  

In this passage, we had suggested that this is a principle, not a custom.  Why?  Well, let's look at the reasoning for the first two verses by looking at the next ones: 

For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 

The reason falls on two orders that were established at the very beginning.  First, there was the Creation order (man first, then woman).  God had established this order from the start, and it is something that Paul is referring to as a reason for why we should follow the instruction in the first couple verses. 

Second, there is what my pastor referred to as "Satan's order" (woman first, then man).  Satan took God's order, reversed it, and used that to cause the Fall.  Eve took the reigns and instructed Adam what to do (Eve's fall).  Adam became silent and went along with it (Adam's fall).  

I am NOT saying that woman is weaker than man.  Neither is Paul, and neither is God.  If God made an order that female was first and then male, we'd be instructed to obey it.  God made everything AND IT WAS GOOD.  It was perfect.  Male first, to be the head, and female next in her individual glory and splendor which is different than male.  

As a woman, I look at it in this aspect.  Submission is not a demand, it is a choice.  It is a principle that women are instructed to follow, but it should never be intended to be forced upon us.  

If my husband, Harold, demanded I submit, I would probably retaliate or be full of bitterness toward him that the submission loses its glow.  My pastor says this passage is directed toward men just as much (if not more) than women.  It's easier for us women to submit if men are gentle and understanding to us.  It's easier for men to be gentle and understanding if we submit.  

Ladies, submission is beautiful.  It's not meant to be demeaning, but we automatically translate it as such.  When we submit to the authority of our men around us, we portray something much greater than if we wanted to prove female dominance.  We portray the Trinity.  We are equal, but different.  Men are given different roles.  Not because women can't do it, but because men are created to be better at it.  Women are given different roles.  Not because men can't do it, but because women are created to be better at it.
Harold and I are equal in marriage, but we are not the same.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that male and female are different beings.  But these differences do not make a hierarchy.  It makes a team of individuals that are set towards the same goal, working in the same direction, just taking on different tasks and roles to reach that goal more efficiently.  

Let me ask you, would you ask a professional pianist to go out and repair your diesel truck?  Unless it was their hobby that they put time in, of course you wouldn't!  It isn't demeaning to the pianist to acknowledge that they aren't as capable in repairing the truck as they are playing Bach.  This does not make the pianist any less of a person.  Therefore, we as women should not read this and be offended as being thought of as less significant or demeaned as well.   

There is one thing, ladies that we can do that men can't.  Carry new life.  Something Harold will never feel to the extent that I do is this little baby rolling and kicking around and reacting to what I do in the most intimate level possible.  I cannot make life without Harold, but I get to carry and deeply experience this blessing (others would argue this to be a curse).  Yes it is hard, tiring, and full of many sacrifices.  There are moments when it is just plain miserable because you can't get cozy like you used to.  BUT it is so worth it.  My husband will never feel this connection with our little girl like I do.  This is our gift.  It is not what saves us from sin, rather, it is our glory.  

Embrace your glory, and ladies, with a gentle and quiet spirit, lift up the men around you by letting them take the role that God has given them as we take our role in the splendor that was intended from the very beginning of time.  Men, help make this easy on the ladies around you.  We are not to be trampled on, but dealt with tenderly with much compassion.  

I love you all.  

Obedient Desire vs Lustful Desire

Tonight at my prayer group, I felt this lurking question as the group was praying out loud:

"If I (Jesus) were to walk through the door right now, what would your immediate response be?"

It caused me to evaluate my heart, and gave me these two forms of love that I wrestled between.  There is a love that is obedient.  You love because He first loved us.  You love God because of who God is.  You love God because you know what He did for you and you owe God more than you can ever offer Him.  It is a love that was formed by a covenant, saying "Til death will I serve you."  It is obedient, loyal, and sometimes the love we default to when we don't "feel" like loving God...at least it is for me.

So many people say that God isn't a feeling...and I'm one of them.  God is not an emotional feeling that comes and goes.  He is always there.  It doesn't matter how far you feel from Him, He never moved.  So this first kind of love, to me, is saying "I don't feel you close, but I trust you are there, so I will continue to give you my life as best as I can."

But you can't stay here...at least I can't.  If you only love out of obedience, it isn't wrong...but shouldn't delighting in God be...a delight???

How many Psalms are there that you can just see the tears dripping on those pages through the words written?  Tears of both anguish and joy?  What emotion it took to write many of those Psalms. Worship is/was like that for me.  It was a joy, and a time when I really "felt" connected with God.  My heart was fully set on giving Him my all.  It was a delight, not an obligation.

Don't get me wrong, I still love to worship...but has my love during worship changed?  Is my heart being robbed of the richness of worship in some way?  And if so, how?  I want to keep giving God my heart in worship, but it seems so dry.  It feels like a drought...one that you keep looking and looking but you aren't fully satisfied.  You don't give up, you keep seeking because you know the promises say "Seek and you shall find."  

I think (no, I know) each Christian goes through these cycles.  I'm sure we've all questioned this, and it's healthy (and very appropriate) to go through both of these types of love for God.  You don't tell a new believer that he/she won't struggle.  You don't tell a new believer it's going to be easy and the feeling should always be there.  Some days, you really have to fight for God.  Some days, you have to pray for the desire to even desire God.   Why do we need to pray this?

Because I cannot love God all on my own.  Love is a passionate emotion that God delights in seeing from us, but He also delights in seeing us choose Him even if we don't feel like it.  It feels dry, but I believe God is waiting to fill me with Bread if I keep going where I can smell it.  If I know veggies are good for me, I'm going to eat them even if I don't really enjoy doing it every time.  This act of obedience and discipline takes practice, and it takes someone reminding and coaching us to keep doing it.  

I didn't marry Harold thinking that the feelings would last forever, but at the same time I don't expect to fully lose those feelings either.  I know some days are just going to be a bigger stretch than others.  I also know that Harold will appreciate me being obedient to him and submissive to him, but he will REALLY like to see me delighting in being around him rather than just doing it because I committed to doing so.

I guess this brings me back to my question at the start:

"If I (Jesus) were to walk through the door right now, what would your immediate response be?"

I confess, right now I would probably either stay in my chair and smile at him, or stand out of respect.  I would not leap for joy and fall at the feet of my Savior.  I would acknowledge him for who he is, but I don't think my entire being would be so captivated and engrossed in his presence that I would throw myself down without hesitation.  

My friends, I don't like to write personally very often, but I trust that those who read this blog of mine care enough to be able to read the struggles as well as the good lessons that God blesses me with.  I ask that you pray for this drought to be over soon, and if any of you feel like you are going through a drought where you feel like you keep seeking but you just aren't finding the eternal Well, I ask that you cry out for prayer as well.

I assure you it's there, and it's worth it to keep seeking refreshment that only God provides.  I know the goodness that's coming, and I don't want to give up just because I don't "feel" like I'm loving Him right.  I know I'm loving as I should, but I also know that God would like to see me enjoy it more.  He doesn't want me to miss out on the richness of knowing Him, nor does He want you to miss out of that either.

Seek the Living Water, and ask for support and prayer if you feel your droughts carry too long.

Remember, I love you all.  Thanks for reading and caring enough to pray for me in advance.

Simple Pleasures

This weekend, my husband and I decided to go to visit my folks in NW Iowa for a change of pace.  We had a free weekend without any obligations, so we decided that while I was still able to travel comfortably, we'd take a mini vacation for the weekend.

Right now, I'm sitting here after a nice relaxing day without any set plans.  In fact, when we made plans to watch a movie and order pizza, my little brother called and said that his evening plans opened up and we got it worked out to meet him and his fiance in Sioux City for supper.  Before that, the only plan I had in my mind while I was home was to soak in a warm bath and just sit.

It's funny to stop and think about those little things that bring you peace, your little pieces of indulgence.  For me sometimes, it's a warm beverage on a cold day.  Other times, it's a sunset...or maybe a thunderstorm.  Maybe just the sound of rain is calming enough for me on a tough day.

Then I got to thinking, those little joys in life aren't as freely provided for other people.  For many, just being able to have running water is a blessing, let alone warm water that can smell like fruity flowers.

For other people that work a different shift than myself, maybe a sunrise or sunset isn't so easily captured.  Maybe life is too hectic at home that some people can't just sit down with a beverage and chill.  I think of those people, and I wonder how much MORE they enjoy those simple pleasures when it can actually happen.

I take too much for granted, and I don't even realize how blessed I really am.  Sure, there can always be more to acquire, more to gain.  You can always set the bar of expectations higher.

But why not indulge in the now?  I heard a quote from a C.S. Lewis book that said something along the lines of the Present is the place in time where Eternity touches.  The now is where we need to be.  Not anticipating the next best thing, and not being discontent with where you aren't at yet.  By living in the Now, we allow ourselves to indulge in what God gives us with pleasure and delight.  We can't experience this if we are looking behind us or before us constantly.

If I am able to take a warm bath and soak, I'm going to enjoy it now and thank God that I have warm water to relax my achy muscles.  Those simple little joys in life are more than just simple joys.  They are gifts from God that He gives us now.  They are chances that I get to sit back and thank Him for how good He is and how I am blessed to have these little pleasures fulfilled.

Don't be caught looking to the next best thing in life so often that you forget how good you have it now.  Embrace the gift of Now that you have.  Let God bless you with the little things He gives, and let your heart take full delight in those gifts as you delight more in the One who gives good things to those that love Him.  Whatever your simple pleasures are now, no matter how little they may be, enjoy them to the fullest.  If this is hard for you, then pray that God can show and teach you to be content no matter your circumstances so that you can find delight where you are with what you have.

Let your hearts find peaceful rest in the Now.  I love you all.

Pre-Mommy Reflections

I got the day off today!  For the longest time I have desired to write on here, but time and efforts have failed me as my priorities seem to have changed a lot since I got married.  I have missed the chances to write.  


Also, a dear friend was chatting with me this morning and he said he missed my posts.  That encouraged me more to post today, and hopefully find a time to make this a habit again.  Thanks Carl!  I'm glad God used my words to touch you in the past!  

For those of you that haven't noticed, I'm TERRIBLE at social media.  Partially because I choose to not spread my life story all over Facebook...but I think I overlooked a major event in my life that I have failed to share with friends and family that aren't so close to me.  Just recently I've announced over social media that my husband Harold and I are expecting our first child come beginning of May (or end of April, depending on how anxious the little one is to meet everyone!)  We are both anxious to meet her, but I have to admit...I wasn't at first.  

I had my own plans: be married and enjoy life with just Harold for at least a year...the longer the better.  Kids could wait.  I didn't want to be a mom yet, and I didn't want to share my time with anyone else other than Harold when I married him.  God had other plans.  3 months later, we got our amazing news that God was blessing us with our first.  I was not excited.  I felt like a toddler that would throw herself down on the floor and pitch the biggest fit in front of my Heavenly Father.  I knew there was nothing I could do, and God was going to give me a child whether I liked it or not.  To be where I am now is truly an act of God's work on my heart, to soften it and show me the blessings of what was coming my way.  He really gave me peace beyond measure and a heart that not only accepts this sudden turn in life, but one that wants to embrace her in my arms and love her til the day I die.  

Honestly, God has opened my eyes to a new perspective of life throughout this pregnancy.  Right now I can feel this little girl (or boy) kicking around and moving.  She likes to tell Daddy that she's listening when he talks to her.  (or she's saying "give me more room Daddy it's cramped in here!)  When I exercise, she likes to move with me occasionally.  When I worship and am sitting in my young adult group at church, I can really tell that she's there.  I pray that God is already planting in her heart a desire for Him as she is hearing the worship and discussions around us.  

What I'm most intrigued with, is the fact that she will know my voice above all else, because whenever I speak, she hears me.  When I sing, she knows I'm there. I can't sing to her yet.  I've tried, and it only comes out with tears because I'm so overwhelmed.  I've loved to the point of tears, but not this much for one person.  (yes, she is a person).  This little one is special.  She is mine.  She is being formed in my womb, fearfully and wonderfully made inside of me.  (I can't help but tear up even now)  The chapters of her life are already written.  I can trust she is in Good hands.  Not mine, but God's  
How easy it is to see the intricate design of God at this moment.  To look at an ultrasound and see those little feet kicking.  Those feet were once yours and mine.  We were once that small in our mother's womb, and we were considered cherished to the point of tears as well.  That never changed.  We still are that cherished.  Our parents should never stop loving us, but how much more will love lavish us from our Heavenly Father!  We know that love endures forever.  How He made you was never a mistake.  He spent 9 months (roughly) putting you together, giving you nourishment from your Mom, preparing you for life outside.  He took His time forming each cell in the right place.  He picked which features you were going to get from either parent and put them together at a special point in time to create you as you are now.  Whether your parents tried or not, God made you and put everything together so you would be here today.  

We grow up and take for granted how God still delights in us.  We don't grow out of that stage.  If you know Jesus as your Savior, you are a cherished child of God.  God desires for none of us to perish, but as a just God, He cannot have sin in His presence.  Out of love and justice, He sent Jesus to die for you so that you can be His treasured possession in His presence someday.  If you don't know Jesus and haven't asked Jesus to change your life, I urge you to do so.  My prayers for my little child are that she (he) will be transformed at a young age and have a heart to seek after God.  My prayers for you are the same.  
There is so much more I could write, but I'd better let my heart rest with that.  
I love you all.  

Our New Identity

Dear friends,

It has been a long time.  I feel guilty that it has been so long since I have shared the glorious lessons and revelations that God has share with me.

My greatest blessing that has occured, is that my social identity has changed.  I am no longer known as Kat Bell, but Kat Moyer.  What a strange thing to think of...in one day, my identity has changed.  How people acknowledge me has changed.  I talked with a few friends of mine yesterday, and we joked about how easy it was to call me Kat Bell...as if it was one word.  Now it is not as easy.  Now we sometimes have to stop and think about who I am now.  It isn't a long reflection for that one, but what about my identity in Christ?

Do people have to stop and think about my new identity, or is it so obvious that it just rolls off their tongues?  Do I live as if I am Harold Moyer's wife, or do I live in a way that people have to stop and ask questions about it?

Am I living a life for Christ in a way that people have to stop and ask whether I am the bride of Christ?  If so, I think it is time to step back and reflect on how I must live in my new identity and not just claim the name.

That is my challenge to not only myself, but also you my dear friends.  It doesn't just stop with a one-time repentence.  Our identity causes us to humble ourselves before God not just daily, but every moment.  It makes us draw close to Him on a regular basis.  It is stepping into a lower state so that God may lift us up.  Our identity is not just a name change, but a life change...a heart change.  Our priorities are different.  Our desires are different.  Our struggles are different.  We stand out in the world because we live in a different identity.  We will go against the flow, but we mustn't turn around and join it.

It is who we are.

I love you all, and I hope to write more in the near future. 

Go Where You Are Sent

Luke 8:34-39 

Verses 38-39  "The man wanted to go with Jesus, but he said, 'Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.'  And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him." 

For years this poor man has lived with a 'multiple personality' disorder.  Day and night in this city of the country of the Gerasenes, a man roamed, naked, rabid, thrashing uncontrollably and terrorizing all the citizens in and around the town.  He had no relief from his agony and torture. 

And along comes Jesus, Son of God, and the demons inside this man tremble before the mighty King.  (who know who they will follow and listen to)  They plead for Jesus to keep from "sending them into the abyss." (verse 31)  So instead, Jesus sends the demons into a herd of pigs nearby, and the man finally has relief and control over his own body. 

In thanksgiving, caught in the moment of emotion, he leaps to Jesus' feet and declares his devotion to his Savior, asking to become like the other disciples that were called and follow Jesus.  (Our turning point toward eternal life)

Yes, Jesus calls him as a disciple and tells him to follow, but not to physically follow.  The man desires to be with Jesus, but Jesus had other plans.  "Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you." 

How many of us desire to do something that we fell is much greater than where we are at, like travel overseas to witness the salvation of a lost nation?  Or what about speaking to a bike gang or prison and seeing inmates become believers and followers of Jesus?  Wouldn't that set your heart on fire more? 

But what this man was called to do is similar to what we can feel discouraged about, staying home.  Staying in your community.  Sharing the Gospel with our friends and family. 

Last night, during our prayer group, one member passionately prayed for our community and friends that think they are Christian, but are not following Jesus the way he called us to.  They think they have a "get out of Hell free" card.  But that's not what Jesus says will give us salvation.  Our friends and families around us need to have a changed and transformed heart in the image of Christ.  They need to have a desire to follow and become better.  They need to be of the good soil that will take the Words of Christ and soak them in and watch the fruit grow.  We need people called to share in their own homes. 

We are all tools in the hands of the master craftsman.  We need to remain sharpened in the word and fellowship (Proverbs 27:17) and ready for use whenever we are needed. 

Where has God called you to work today?  One day at a time, serve the Lord where you are at and do so with joy.  You are part of God's plan for the spread of the Gospel, and He does not appoint any small tasks. 

I love you all,
In Christ our Savior and our King, I pray for your love to grow all the more in our Lord Jesus Christ.

~John 16:33~ 

Withdraw and Pray

"But when even more the report about him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities.  But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray."  

Luke 5:15-16

For a while I had been going and going and going in life on turbo drive.  I have been constantly thinking and working and pushing my tired body around to get the next thing done or serve this person or catch up in my own personal needs.  I would go to bed exhausted and sleep hard all night just to get up and do it again the next day.  This is my natural, my automatic mode I fall into if I am not careful.

After a while, I felt my heart struggling more.  More things irritated me, and especially during my special time of the month, I would see just the kind of person I tried not to be.  Words from friends and sermons stuck with me, but one was given by a dear friend that really solidified everything:

"Sometimes I am spiritually dehydrated and find no time to drink the living water God so freely gives.  Hydrate or die."  

Jesus would retreat to his Heavenly Father to recharge because he delighted and sought that personal time with God the Father. 

In Heaven, they were one.  Then Jesus and the Father "split" when Jesus came to earth.  He craved that unity.  He ministered to the people here as was his purpose, but his real delight was in God the Father and that one-on-one time. 

He did this to set an example for us as his followers in order to stay strong in the face of sin
and to remember the command, victory, and the course he was instructed to follow. 

The above verses in Luke remind me that it is crucial for me to find some place that I can be alone and pray...read...meditate...spend personal time with my heavenly Daddy.  

Our spirits crave this and need this.  We need the recharge, and Jesus gives us an excellent example to follow.  We need to find places away from people to recharge in Him.  Our quiet times should be uninterrupted just like if we were going on a date or out with a very close friend.  It is rude to pull out our cell phones and text while our attention should be on the person we are spending time with.  Why should this be any different with our Heavenly Father?   Turn the phone off, lock the door, do something that will keep your focus fully on your Father in Heaven.

If this is your desire, please pray with me and be prepared to fight for what you know you need to do to survive:

Dear Father, I want to crave that personal time with you.  I want to desire that unity with you.  Help me make the time to go out to a desolate place and spend sweet time with you in your Word and be hydrated in your Spirit.  Lord God it is only by your power that I can be the person I want to be, the person you call me to be.  Only by your power can I be like your Son.  Please help me Daddy.  I want to be with you. 

I love you all. 

Message in Our Marriage

As I am making the plans for our big day, I have found myself hitting several brick walls. 

When Harold and I started courting, we would go out once a week and have date nights.  Many times he would ask me "What do you want to do?" 

I couldn't give him many answers, because I didn't always know what I wanted to do.  I asked "Whatever you want to do, I'll join you." 

When planning life after college, I never really settled on what I wanted to do.  Not to brag on being selfless, but I didn't give much thought into what I wanted to do with my life.  I didn't have a Peace with anything. 

I came to a point in life where my response was "Whatever God called me to do."  I lived day to day, working where I was at, waiting for God to reveal the next area of life. 

Now that I am preparing for marriage with a wonderful, God-fearing man, I am finding this extremely difficult. 

What do I want? 

I have narrowed down a few big things already...you know...like colors, venues, location of wedding, stuff like that.  But in the details, things that don't always matter to me, I am finding it real hard to make a choice. 

Deep down, what Harold and I really want, is for the message of our marriage to be clear.  It isn't about us being served and honored in this time.  It's about how we are committing to serving God.  It's about our proclamation to everyone that our big day is God's day for us.  Our lives after the ceremony shouldn't be were we start to honor God in our marriage, but our preparation and the day itself should be a proclamation of how great our God is.  Our friendship, courting, and engagement should show it. 

That is what I really want.  I want God to be glorified.  I want the details to be given to Him and let God make our day special.  He has provided already with the abundance of support and help we both have received thus far.  In the planning, Harold and I have found many blessings.  I have no reason to complain or be upset with all that God has provided. 

Our big day is God's big day for us, and reflecting on how Harold and I have been called and drawn to each other is nothing but an act of God.  We are being joined to serve Him together.  Our day should honor that above all. 

Above what I want is what God wants.  He will reveal my heart to me in its time.  He already has, and I know He will be faithful to continue to do so.   

We Don't Deserve Him

 Ever ask the question, why me?

You find yourself in a great job, and you can many times find reasons why you belong in that job.

You see yourself in different hobbies, and you can find reasons why you are good at those hobbies.

What blows our mind is when we come across a good thing, and can't figure out why we got it.

Jesus is that good thing.

We don't deserve Jesus.

Yet Jesus died for us.

Not because of anything we've done.

But only because he loved us.

Why does he love us?

What have I done?

Nothing.

And there is nothing I will ever do to earn that love.

But guess what?  I already have it...

And so can you. 

He is so willing to give.

And you don't have to do a thing.

Blows your mind doesn't it?  It blows mine.

I offer so much of my junk before Jesus,

And he takes it willingly.

He nails it to the cross with Himself.

So I can be pure and blameless in his Father's sight.

All because he loved us.

That's it.

Feel like you can measure up?

You won't.

So save yourself the hardship.

And accept the freedom of knowing...

We don't deserve him. 

You Thrill Me, Lord

"You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done."

 Psalm 92:4 

It is easy to praise God when things are going well for you.  It is VERY easy when God answers a prayer that has been piercing and poking at your heart for years and years.  We are quick to offer praise to God in the good times...and on the other extreme, it is easy to run to God for help in the hard times.

However, we don't naturally think to praise God during those hard times.  We have a hard time finding the rich blessings in life when things aren't always going the way we would want them to.  The last thing I want to say is "You thrill me, Lord" when a parent has passed away, or when I lose my job.

Nothing that extreme even has to happen...I find it hard to say that phrase even after a long day and I am exhausted!  I forget so easily the rich blessings in my life because I will draw toward the discouragement that pulls me from the joy I could have with God.  My vision will gaze onto the waves of life rather than the one who controls the waves.

My request is this...even though my joy right now is great, I know there will be hardships.  I know my heart will not always want to say "You thrill me, Lord."  But, I know that no matter what, the Rock has not moved from my grasp.  The Author of my life has not stopped writing exciting sequences in the plot. 

I pray that the Lord thrills your souls today! 

"I Catch All Your Tears"

"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  

~Psalm 56:8~

Our God is gentle and compassionate to us as His children.  Can you imagine the Creator of the universe, who watches everyone and everything at the SAME time catching YOUR tears when you cry them?  Even Him being aware of our sorrows blows my mind.  He is not just aware of them, but He cares enough to catch each one and save them.  He knows why we cry, and He holds us through all our sorrows. 

He knows it is tough, whatever you are going through:

Whether it be a loss, a growing pain, a hard lesson learned, a broken spirit...whatever the source of your hurt...you can trust that God is there through it all with you, paying close attention to every detail of your life. 

What a God we serve...Thank God for not just being present in the hard times, but being right there with you with His full attention on you. 

How Bad Do You Want It?

Almost a whole month without blogging...

When I realized this I was disappointed.  There is so much I would have wanted to say!  So much I wanted to share with you all, and in a month's time I can't even begin to share the lessons God reveals to me.

This blog is a public journal to me.  I want to share with you all how my God has led me through my days to find a deeper love and understanding of Him.

Colossians 1:10 says
"...so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God..."

My God is so good, and I have seen so many good fruits produced...so many humbling instances...so many moments of discipline to create in me a pure heart.  My God is so good in the bad times, and GREAT in the good!  

So, instead of trying to wrap up my whole month's lessons in one, I want to challenge you all...which is what I will challenge myself as well:  

What will you give up to have Jesus?  

Hebrews 12: 1 says 
"However, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares..."  

Throw off everything...not just sin...throw off your friendship, your relationships, your marriage, your children, your parents, your job, your finances, your blessings!  EVERYTHING that can keep us from running toward the founder and perfecter of our faith!  

Now...as drastic as that sounds....I am not saying to put yourself on an island alone and worship God alone.  What I am saying is if we are truly willing to call everything around us rubbish in comparison to Christ....I know I don't always...but I desire to.  I desire the desire to.  

How important is it for me to have my quiet time, and what good things are keeping me from doing so?  What is keeping me from sharing my experiences with Christ?  What is keeping me from even thinking about Christ in all I do?  
  
How bad do we want it?   Do I count everything loss?  Not nearly...

So I am challenged.  I want to grow deeper in the knowledge of God.  In order for me to do this, I must count everything as a loss, cutting loose every weight and sin that would slow me down.  

Join me friends.  And as always...I love you all. 

Perfect Gifts from Above

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of lights with whom ther is no variation or shadow due to change." 

James 1:17

What an awesome image that we have from our Father in Heaven!  Your Abba Father waits to give you good and perfect gifts directly from Him!  How precious and personal is our God to us!

Sadly, I am guilty of taking these gifts and forgetting their value.  I take advantage of the years of music that has been engraved on my heart.  I take advantage of the friendships around me and forget their worth to me.  I even take certain gifts and expect God to make more out of them than what they really were intended to be.  It's like God giving me a pocket knife and I try to cut down a tree with it.  I expect the gift to do more than it was intended to.

How many times do we do this?  Say my passion for music...God gave me songs to sing, but I expected my songs to reach the world far and wide and become famous!  Maybe the purpose of his songs through me was to reach one person on Bash on the Farm.  That was it...what if?

What if your desire to minister to lost souls gave you a passion to spread overseas....but God kept you in your community and church?  Does this make the gift any less perfect?  Of course not!  God administers each gift to us perfectly.  We don't have to tweek any design.  It was perfect already. 

I don't always believe this in my heart.   I am very quick to want more than what God gives me.  But I ask myself...what kind of daughter comes to her father and says "Dad, your gift isn't doing what I want it to do.  I don't like this." 

What kind of daughter would that make me?  Especially to my Heavenly Father!  If His gifts are perfect, and I'm not happy with them... the problem isn't Him...it's me. 

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.  No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." 

Psalm 84:11

My prayer Lord, Abba Father, is that you would open the eyes of my heart to see your design for the gifts you have given me.  I pray that my heart would be changed to find contentment in the life that you have given me.  I pray that I would cast aside all worldy desires and find the treasures in heaven to be more desireable and filling to my soul.  I ask, God, that you would grant me a joy in what I have and only what you have. 

"Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." 

Psalm 119:37

May this be your prayer too.  I love you all. 

Psalm 77

Wednesday night I went to my church for a prayer time.  My pastor led us in a discussion on meditation and what it looks like through some of the Psalms.

Psalm 77 moved me to tears.  This psalm is full of what our hearts feel so often, and yet we find ourselves asking the question "Where are you God?"  We pray, we cry, we seek him, but we aren't comforted.  We feel drained, weak, alone.

At this point, so many of us reject God and believe that he never was there...even this psalmist is feeling that pit of despair.  

"In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;

in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;

my soul refuses to be comforted.

When I remember God, I moan;

when I meditate, my spirit faints."

(verses 2-3)

 The psalmist reflected and called out and prayed to God...but he still hurt.  His soul wasn't comforted.  He moaned, his spirit weak.  He felt no answer to his prayers at this point.  

"You hold my eyelids open;

I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

I consider the days of old,

the years long ago.

I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;

let me meditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made a diligent search:"

(verses 4-6)

The psalmist had a choice to make...he could accept the distress he had, or he could seek further.  It says that the psalmist "considered the days of old," remembering the good times.  He remembered when the walk was good with God, and the works God has done to remind the psalmist of his eternal faithfulness.   His spirit "made a diligent search."  It wasn't given, the psalmist sought it DESPITE how empty and betrayed he felt...

And the psalm takes a 180 degree turn around.  Now the psalmist asks about the character of God, asking if His love ever ceases, if His faithfulness ever dies, if His grace ever departed.  He remembers the miracles that freed Israel from Egypt.  He begins to praise God for who He is always, not what He appears to be now.  

This is huge!  This is amazing...this is hard!!  

We are promised that God is always there, ready to pick us up when we acknowledge Him with a pure heart.  However, it seems like this is not the case.  

How can I explain the psalm to someone who's loved-one just died?  How can I explain this psalm to someone who is worn from life and can't find any relief?  How can I explain this psalm to a friend who sits in debt and sees no way out?  

The answer isn't always the one everyone wants to hear...but here it is.  Don't give up.  Keep searching.  God is there.  From what I have seen from God in OT times, He appears to have left, but His hand was always over His chosen people.  

Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac so the Lord would "know" of Abraham's faithfulness.  God knew Abraham would be faithful and obedient, but he just showed himself that he would be.  I can think of this psalm the same way.  God knows if we will seek more or not.  We will show ourselves if we are truly obedient despite our worldly struggles.  We will learn obedience through the struggle and see the work God has done in our hearts through the struggle.  The psalmist does by remembering the good times, the blessings, and praising with a hurting heart.  

It's easy to praise with a light and happy heart... it's harder when our hearts are cluttered with worries, weak from trials, and hurt with aches.   

The last thing I want to do is praise God when things aren't going right....but it takes a great deal of trust to believe that it isn't what we see.  It shows our desire for a new world, one where sin is no longer free.  

The race is long, and the course is rough, but those who withstand to the end will see the prize.  

I love you all. 

His Majesty

Last night I was really pondering something...and it was spawned from the amazing storm system that went through Waverly IA last night. 

I got a text from a friend to check out the storm, and I instantly ran outside and stood in the massive plummet of raindrops that soaked me, while lightning and thunder roared around me.  I find this to be my instant reaction to storms.  Storms truly excite me.  The more serious their prediction, the more excited I get. 

I have been accused of being an adrenaline junkie...which is probably true.  I won't deny it.  But I don't feel it's the adrenaline that really gets me into storms.  I've wanted to be a storm chaser, run down tornadoes and capture the moment of such intensity!  But why? 

Because I'm crazy?  Because I want the thrill?  Eh, yes that's part of me...but it's not entirely true.  See, as the storm gets more severe, I am excited but then excitement turns into fear.  Fear because I know what will happen if that storm gets too close to myself, friends, and loved ones.  Destruction follows.  Deaths occur.  Inevitable damage rages the scene. 

So why do I like storms?  They remind me of God.  The characteristics of a storm coincide with the characteristics of our Mighty God:

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 19:1

The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side.

Psalm 77:17

Ascribe power to God, whose majesty is over Israel, and whose power is in the skies.

Psalm 68:34

Just as people can fall into the wrath of a raging storm, those that don't know Jesus will fall into his wrath when he comes again.


For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.”  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Hebrews 10:30-31

It is truly awesome to be soaked in his majesty.  I stand in the rain not because I like getting wet.  I stand in the storm because I want to embrace the majesty of God.  

These storms also remind me of the storms in my spiritual walk.  At times they rage all the more in my heart.  The thunder bursts louder, the lightening closer, and the wind thrashes me about as personal struggles become harder to withstand.  Standing in the rain during a storm is a delight, because I want to delight in my current struggles.  It is a reminder that storms come, and storms go, but God is always there, and perseverance is my goal.  The more the wind thrashes me about, the stronger God will make me.  The stronger the challenge, the stronger the growth.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

And thank goodness I don't have to stand in the storms alone...

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:23-25

I want to see the Majesty of God in my personal storms as I see him in the physical ones.  

The path of a storm is unknown, even though we try to predict it as best as we can.  The best thing you can do is obey the warnings and take shelter.  When the Judgement Day comes, where will your shelter be?  Will you heed the warnings now and abide in the only shelter for the ultimate storm?  

Until then, delight in the majesty of God all around you.  The skies proclaim the works of his hands!  

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

 

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns."

Revelation 19:6

 I love you all.

What Are We Missing?

Remember that phrase?  "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?"  I used to believe that...then I heard a sermon from Ed Moore that gave me a new perspective.  As many of you know, I dive into the book of Ruth a lot...I find lots of information from Ruth because I see a lot of good quality characteristics in Ruth that I ask God to show me.  I see correlations between Ruth and Boaz, and me and Jesus.  I always find something everytime I come back. 

I will say quickly however, that I read and study other books as well.  Don't just focus on one book to give you all the answers.  I just happen to really like reading and studying Ruth more frequently.  In 4 chapters, I find a lot. 

Near the end of the first chapter, we see Naomi and Ruth conversing.  As I listened to the sermon, I was blown away by how much was taken out of the last 4 verses....but I want to make one point to you that convicted me, and I hope it opens your eyes a little as well. 

Naomi was not at all worried about the spiritual condition of Ruth because she was so engrossed in her own loss.  We don't lose a husband and two kids on a regular basis, but what other little things consume us and bring our attitudes to an aggressive flare? 

"UGH!! I overslept again!!" 

"My kids just WON'T leave me alone!" 

"My car won't start...this is the second time this week!"  

"Another stop light??  Man I'll be late for sure!" 

"I lost my phone!"

"I'm so lonely..." 

The list can go on and on. 

No matter what the issue is, it can easily consume us.  It can make us bitter very easily. 

What made Naomi bitter?  I got some ideas that Ed mentioned in his sermon:
-She wasn't close to God in Moab
-She only saw her loss when she looked at Ruth
-She didn't understand the character of God
-She felt that she deserved more

How easy these 4 things relate to us.  Take a struggling single for example.  If I didin't rely on God, I'd fall into all 4 of these points.  If I'm not close to God, I'm not seeking Him and desiring His will above my own.  If I only see the pain in the singleness, I miss the blessing I have.  If I didn't understand God's character, I would feel like He was distant and withholding from me.  If I believed I deserved a husband, I would be upset every time I realize I don't have one. 

I don't deserve anything except Hell. 

Being on earth is a step above Hell, so no matter what happens here, we already are getting better than what we deserve.  I need to stop feeling that I deserve more and start enjoying more of what I do have.  I need to stop feeling bitter toward those that have what I want.  I am like Naomi too much, in that I have only seen my pain in other's rather than blessings.

Are we missing opportunies because of our bitterness?  I know I have.  I know I am. 

Friends, if we are focused on the world and material to get us what we want, we will always end up unsatisfied and empty.  We will always feel dissappointed.  If we feel we deserve the things that have been given to us, we will appear rude, bitter, and ungrateful when we don't have these things in our possessions.  When trials do come, we will heat up the room with our attitude.  We won't be stronger, we will be bitter. 

If we aren't concerned with spiritual, we will end up bitter.  Naomi was not concerned about spirituality in this first chapter.  She left Bethlehem with her husband because of a famine.  She returned back because Bethlehem was out of the famine.  Naomi's example is not one to follow.  Her attitude missed the point...she already sent her other daughter-in-law home.  She missed the opportunity to evangelise to Orpah.  If Ruth wasn't so set in following Naomi, Ruth would have stayed lost as well.

Who are we sending away in bitterness, and how can you find joy in all circumstances?  I pray that we can leave all bitterness aside and find a humble spirit in all things, knowing what we do deserve and being thankful that it isn't part of our fate anymore!   Praise the LORD!! 

I love you all friends.  Thank you for reading.  I hope it touched you today. 

Waiting....

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.
And when I was 25, I took it off.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.
“True Love Waits.” Waits.
What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

This was taken from a blog I read called "I Don't Wait Anymore"  It really spoke to me, and it's something that I currently am praying about in my own heart.

The words "True Love Waits" have been something that I haven't only worn around my finger for years, but it's also been worn around my heart.  It has been the statement that has kept me from emotionally plummeting when I felt lonely in singleness.  These words reminded me to be strong when I wanted to cry.  These words have been there to remind me that God has a bigger blessing for me...

But is this blessing what I'm called to wait for? 

We have been told to wait.  Wait for sex til marriage.  Wait for the right one.  Wait...wait...wait.

I don't know about you...but the idea of waiting means that I expect it to eventually happen.

Waiting for a husband means that I will have a husband someday...but will I?  What if I stopped waiting?  What if I was convinced that I didn't have to live life waiting?  What if I was so content in my current status that it didn't matter what happened tomorrow?  God didn't promise everyone would have a spouse.  God didn't promise that if we waited, he would provide a spouse.  God promised that He would give us the desires of our hearts...but does that include this gap we want filled with a spouse?

I don't believe so. 

I have a purity ring right now as well with this phrase on it..."True Love Waits."   Now, I could do as this girl did and take it off for the purpose of not waiting anymore.  I could also keep it on to remind myself to wait on the only One who's love is True.  Either way...my perspective on "waiting" needs to change.  It is not healthy to be set on something that God doesn't promise to us specifically. 

Keeping this perspective makes it hard when you see the joy that married couples have with each other.  It is hard when you want someone there to help your accountability.  It is tough when you see past singles that are now engaged and free to express it around you.  Jeolousy easily floods in because you want that to be you so bad....but it can't consume you.  Our hearts need to change, and our teaching to youth needs to change.

We can't tell ourselves to wait for love, we need to wait on the Truth that God teaches us on a daily basis.  Someday, there may be a husband in my life...but I have to stop waiting on the uncertain and start waiting on the Rock.  It is too tormenting to wait for something that may never come. 

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life!"   ~Psalm 139:23-24~

 If there was a door that you didn't know could open for you, would you wait to find out?

Keep fighting friends....I truly love you all. 

It's Not About Me

What if you were called to face your biggest fear?  What if you had been hiding from it all this time?  Afraid to expose yourself?  Afraid to fail people?  Afraid of others seeing your current weakness?  What if you couldn't run anymore?  What if you couldn't hide anymore?  What if God exposed everything to those you dearly loved?  What if the wounds you brushed off weren't being brushed off anymore?  What if you actually realize that you were relying on yourself...entertaining the world...trying to be what other people made you to be?  

What if you felt God taking you down a road that you were afraid to go, unaware of what you would face...but trusting He has your hand the whole way? 

This blog post is different from my other posts...those posts talked about my past struggles...they were written after the fact...to show I am stronger now. 

Well, I am not stronger.  I am not put together.  I am weak, vulnerable, and not willing to show the world my weakness.  I am talking it out here, to do myself a favor...to do you all a favor.  I am going to try to let go...not just say it...but really let go. 

Let go of the fear of failure.  Let go of the fear of loss of control.  Let go of the fear of not being good enough.  Let go of the idea that I have to be everything that I am not.  It will always be a struggle...but I realize that I have run and hidden when adversity comes. 

I didn't want people to see my weakest moments.  I didn't allow the Church to really help me.  My prayer group was there, and I would verbalize a few things...but I didn't want people to see my ugliest moments...and I hated the ugliest moments. 

But truly I see now...that God has something bigger in mind for me in this...I can't figure it out fully now...but it's not my call to know that. 

God pointed me toward Duos, and I prayed that God would abolish any method of me getting this job...if I wasn't supposed to be here.  He kept all the doors open...and here I am. 

But also, here my weaknesses are exposed, and an attitude that I have hidden for so long has finally been exposed to people that I truly love.  I have lost joy in the Word.    I have lost joy in Duos,  I lost joy in myself....I have lost joy in God. 

I expect so much from myself....but what does God expect from me? 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Prov. 3:5-6) 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

God never left me.  When I've wanted to give up and hate myself in the privacy of my apartment, God was always there keeping me safe.  When I'm exposed to my closest friends to share in my struggle and do what the Church does and encourage me....build me up...be used in a mighty way for God to do a MIRACULOUS change in my heart...God is there...holding me close to Him in a warm embrace, wiping my tears...hearing my cries...and He tells me "I have overcome."

He reminds me that HE will crush Satan under my feet, and HE has crushed the bondage of Sin...HE has created me in HIS image...HE has saved me.  HE has established my paths.  HE has control.  HE uses everything for HIS good.

...it's not about you, Kat...it's about Me.   (Jesus)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

I don't boast in my infirmities.  I don't speak of my weakness...I don't truly speak of my weakness the way I should.  I speak of my weakness to appear stronger, to show that I am not struggling...to show what I was and what I'm not anymore. 

But if I do speak of my weakness, it's not the best way to do it.  I don't do it to show how God has used me beyond myself...I do it to put myself down.  I believe speaking of my weakness and putting myself down are two separate things.  Putting myself down is bashing God's perfect design.  Boasting in my weakness is acknowledging the beauty of who God made me or didn't make me, and giving Him the glory beyond anything I could ever do. 

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God." (Ephesians 2:8)

I believe when God needs to really change me, He hits me hard.  God is taking the control from me, but also exposing my weakness when I want to stay strong.  He is showing me that it is not by my power, nor my glory.  Right now I am in the process of a pruning that I wish no one would see...but that is why I am going through it...because people need to see it and help me...I have to let people help me, and press on.  I need to remember who is on my side, and that He has already won.  I have to give myself grace...I see God's grace, and I see everyone else's grace...but I don't give myself grace because I have to meet my expectations of who I want me to be. 

....see the problem here?  I do now...

The following song is my current prayer...the power of this song has been amplified because of what God is bringing me through right now.  Right now in my life, this song holds a powerful prayer...So glad to hear that God gives me life!  It comes back to the Gospel...and power of the Gospel keeps us going...and this is motivation enough for me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFdQqoWggmU

Psalm 139 says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."  Who am I to challenge the Creator?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Thank God for showing me I am not alone, and I don't have to be alone.  I see I have friends all around me to be used...

The struggle continues, and the fight presses on, but the battle has been won...and the Victor is on my side!!

Praise God for His working hand in all things...including my imperfection and Sin.   The prince of darkness has no chance in foiling God's plans...in fact....what he does is in turn used to glorify God.  There is no war that hasn't been won by God.  The battle belongs to the Lord.  I get the opportunity to be part of it...but it's not about me, and I can't do everything I want to do.

So now, my question God...what do you want me to do?  Instead of me trying to be everything...what do you want me to be?  Who is Kat...and what is Kat supposed to do?